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Twins Persistence

by James Finn Garner

No matter how many times they’re whacked,

Those pesky Twins keep coming back.

 

Like a dose of clap on your wedding day,

Those lousy Twins won’t stay away.

 

Like a yappy dog or a Ringling clown,

Those stinking Twins won’t lay down.

 

In another division, I’d admire their pluck,

But as a Tiger and Sox fan, it looks like I’m stuck

 

Watching them ruthlessly turning their tricks

Like a mad masked killer in a teen slasher flick.

 

Like a zombie army or Ted Williams’ head,

Those #$%@!!  Twins just won’t stay dead.

Posted 10/5/2009

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Fire Sale

By Stuart Shea

Yes, you heard right!
Underachieving major league ballplayers
Available for pennies on the dollar!
Hoot and holler
And make your way
To 35th and Shields today!

Visit Kenny Williams’ close-out old-sock sale!
Don’t wait for a flyer in the mail
Because this offer only lasts til
All the talent is gone,
Or September 30, whichever comes first.

.

Posted 9/8/2009

Stu’s new book, Pink Floyd FAQ, is available now!  

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Pale Hose Peavy

by James Finn Garner

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Ken Williams wasn’t skeevy
About getting Jake Peavy.

Though he’s got a bum ankle
And his record should rankle,

He’ll spare us the terrors
Of Jose Contreras.

Published 8/11/09

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Ode to Scott Podsednik

by James Finn Garner

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Scottie Pods, Scottie Pods,
What were the chances?
Oh, what were the odds?

Cut by the Rockies because you’re too old–
Your step getting heavy, your bat growing cold–
The Pale Hose invite you back into the fold
And you climb your way back like the grinder of old.
Fans love a player still hungry and bold
Who refuses to note for whom the bell’s tolled.
In the hot summer night, the scoreboard explodes
As you dig hard to mine one more season of gold.

Scottie Pods, Scottie Pods,
What were the chances?
Oh, what were the odds?

.

Posted 8/6/2009