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White Sox in the Wash

By Stu Shea

 

Sure, they won the World Series just two years ago,

But that’s history, bro.

Get hip!

Chicago is slumping

The media’s dumping

And everyone’s jumping the ship.

The season’s turned into the crumbs of corn chips.

No one’s even surprised

At Guillen’s rude slips of the lip

For his team’s gotten older

And the value of aging, .230-ish sluggers is —  zip.

Shouldn’t someone ring Kenny Williams’ bell?

Inform him, pray tell,

That after two years,

Even good socks can smell?

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On Being A.J. Pierzynski

by James Finn Garner

 

Oh, it isn’t easy

Being A.J. Pierzynski.

Not one to appease, he

Is always called sleazy.

 

He’s never mistaken

For Francis Assisi.

He’d start a rhubarb

In a game of Parcheesi.

 

Ozzie will say that

He’ll see him in Hades–he

Then says they’re twins,

Near Siamese-y.

 

Other team’s say his

Play’s pretty cheesy.

If bad vibes were pollen,

The whole league would be sneezy.

 

But to find a smart catcher

Ain’t easy-peasy.

I’d rather hunt crocs on

The River Zambezi.

 

Like being the man

On the flying trapeze-y,

It ain’t never easy

Being A.J. Pierzynski.

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Early Buehrle Hurly-Burly

by Stu Shea

While it isn’t the same

As winning a game

From towheaded, cute little leaguers,

To shut down a team

That’s no hitting machine

Remains low on the “difficult” meter.

But no-hit affairs

Are still fairly rare,

Particularly in this age,

So even the Rangers

Who mostly are strangers

Pose putative threats in the cage.

In Mark Buehrle’s big scene

Back on April 18

At windy, chilly U.S. Cell,

He flattened out Texas

Like they were his breakfast

Or apples for William Tell.

Ex-Cubs Sosa, Hairston

And Lofton had no fun

Against Buehrle’s changing of speeds,

And obscuros like Kata,

Cruz, Laird and the remainda

Dropped no base hits into the weeds.

So Buehrle was fitter.

He got his no-hitter,

The AL’s first since Derek Lowe’s,

Bringing him validation

Across our great nation

In expanded post-game highlight shows.

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Mike MacDougal

by Stu Shea

 

The Royals were frugal

And traded Mike MacDougal.

Chicago now employs him–

He turns ballgames into kugel.

Posted on

Early Buehrle Hurlyburly

By Stu Shea

While it isn’t the same
As winning a game
From towheaded, cute little leaguers,
To shut down a team
That’s no hitting machine
Remains low on the “difficult” meter.
But no-hit affairs
Are still fairly rare
Particularly in this age
So even the Rangers
Who mostly are strangers
Pose putative threats in the cage.
In Mark Buehrle’s big scene
Back on April 18
At windy, chilly U.S. Cell
He flattened out Texas
Like they were his breakfast
Or apples for William Tell.
Ex-Cubs Sosa, Hairston,
And Lofton had no fun
Against Buehrle’s changing of speeds,
And obscuros like Kata,
Cruz, Laird, and the remainda
Dropped no base hits into the weeds.
So Buehrle was fitter.
He got his no-hitter
The AL’s first since Derek Lowe’s,
Bringing him validation
Across our great nation
In expanded post-game highlight shows.