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Say Goodbye to These Retirees

by James Finn Garner

As the leaves turn from green to brown
And we rekindle antipathy for Joe Buck
Let’s recall players whose careers are done
And their stories of drive and hope and luck.

Jered Weaver, strikeout ace,
Can now just putter around his place.

Atlanta’s Frenchy, Jeff Francouer
Will now as a TV color man tour.

SF fans can thank Matt Cain
For embiggening the Jints again.

Likewise, Ryan Vogelsong
Can practice bird calls all day long.

Joe Nathan will have to find his thrill
Somewhere other than the bullpen hill.

And Nick Swisher, quintessential bro,
Will just leave a trail of grit where’er he goes.

To these and all other retirees
Thank you for the thrilling years.
Now, with us, relax near the TV,
Watch some playoff ball and enjoy some beers.

 

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How Cleveland Ended Baseball

by James Finn Garner

“Grandpa, tell me once again
How the Tribe could never lose.”
“Well, kid, in August of ’17
They was playing good, quick and loose,

“When the Boston Carmines came to town–
A purt good team, or so I heard–
Bauer climbed upon the mound
And crikey, a miracle occurred!

“Might’ve been magic, or a curse,
Or blasted divine intervention
But they plum forgot how to lose.
Game in, game out, no apprehension,

“The Tribe just kept on winning!
Like the sun a-rising in the east
When come the final inning,
Francona’s boys just rose like yeast.

“It’s been 15 years or more, I reckon,
Since that team has notched an L.
Never trailing nor choking for a second,
From first of March to closing bell.”

“Grandpa, what about the other teams?”
“They just broke up, one by one.
No league no more, because it seems
With no fair chance, the game ain’t no fun.”

 

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Disparate Thoughts

by Jim Siergey

Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?

Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?

Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?

Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?

Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?

 

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All-Star Clerihews, Part I

Tito Francona
Is a bona
Fide baseball Einstein.
We hope real soon he’ll be feeling fine.

Alex Wood
Pitches so good
He can play in-
Stead of the injured Clayton.

Jonathan Schoop
Is no dope–
For Miami, bought sunscreen
And some Word Search magazines.

Miguel Sano
Bit into a poblano
And let out a roar
Due to a cold sore.

 

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Adios, Jimmy

by the Village Elliott

For Jimmy Piersall (11/14/1929 – 6/4/2017)

Jimmy Piersall today passed away
Childhood hero had own style of play
My first glove bore his name
Tried to play game the same
With his glove, learned to field Jimmy’s way.

Jimmy played with unique sense of pride,
Until by his pride Piersall was fried.
After treated with shocks
Rapped with Harry, White Sox,
Only sane man on air, certified.