Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
When wintry winds cause batsmen
All to whiff and to wail,
They’re laughed off by a moundsman
Whose name is Rich Gale.
While batters may wish it were dry
And comfortably warm,
The winds won’t bother a Davis
With a first name like Storm.
When the field becomes mired
In a swampy wet bog
And the sky is grayed o’er,
Make the call to Josh Fogg.
If the weather gets so bad
Fans all need to take cover,
You need a staff with Jim Coates
And, of course, Gary Glover.
Dubbed with a nickname
that, alas, doth remain
rhymeless
But all your exploits
with ‘Stros, ‘Spos and Detroit
remain timeless
Oh, and lest I forgets
also the Mets
Pardon me for all the bitching,
But how come I get such lousy pitching?
Every year I become a mourner
For my crappy luck at the hot corner.
My other infielders are doing fine,
If you’re a fan of the Mendoza Line.
I wish I could draft all over again,
Starting with good old Ferris Fain.
George Bowering was appointed the first ever Canadian Parliamentary Poet Laureate in 2002. Author of more than 100 books, he is Professor Emeritus at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver, BC.
As the leaves turn from green to brown
And we rekindle antipathy for Joe Buck
Let’s recall players whose careers are done
And their stories of drive and hope and luck.
Jered Weaver, strikeout ace,
Can now just putter around his place.
Atlanta’s Frenchy, Jeff Francouer
Will now as a TV color man tour.
SF fans can thank Matt Cain
For embiggening the Jints again.
Likewise, Ryan Vogelsong
Can practice bird calls all day long.
Joe Nathan will have to find his thrill
Somewhere other than the bullpen hill.
And Nick Swisher, quintessential bro,
Will just leave a trail of grit where’er he goes.
To these and all other retirees
Thank you for the thrilling years.
Now, with us, relax near the TV,
Watch some playoff ball and enjoy some beers.
Published in the Detroit Free Press, 1934
Came Yom Kippur — holy fast day world wide over to the Jew,
And Hank Greenberg to his teaching and the old tradition true
Spent the day among his people and he didn’t come to play.
Said Murphy to Mulrooney, “We shall lose the game today!
We shall miss him on the infield and shall miss him at the bat
But he’s true to his religion — and I honor him for that.”