by Michael X. Ferraro
Detroit, you’ve got no Uptons left.
Justin’s long gone — of Kate, bereft.
Pray those front office moves are deft
Just like Verlander’s chin so cleft.
I Am Some Body!
by Jim Siergey
O, how I wish Destiny put
As catcher, one day, Barry Foote
While on the mound lands
The hurler Bill Hands
I’d pay an arm and a leg to see that
The bullpen is aptly in place
With perfectly named Elroy Face
As one last zinger
We add Rollie Fingers
With Heinie Manush up to bat
As he comes to the plate, there’s a buzz,
The one man with the name to give pause,
Each syllable clear-
Ly a body part dear:
Here comes man-of-parts Tony Armas!
Horrible Things to See
by James Finn Garner
Salma Hayek with a broken nose
Kittens stuck in lava flows
Graffiti at the Alamo
Steve Bannon in seductive pose
Zombies chawing on my toes
Sarah Sanders’ underclothes
A schoolbus in an undertow
But worst of all
JV decked out for the ‘Stros.
Battered Bengals
by Millie Bovich
It’s sad watching Tigers go slumping,
All season they’ve taken their lumping.
So they circle the drain
With their fans all in pain–
Is it time now for manager dumping?
Millie Bovich may be the senior regular contributor to Bardball. “I had the pleasure of meeting All-Star Johnny Pesky when he visited the Detroit office of the FBI where I worked,” she writes, “and met and married a special agent from New York and made a Tigers fan out of him!”
Disparate Thoughts
by Jim Siergey
Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?
Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?
Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?
Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?
Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?