Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?
Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?
Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?
Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?
Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?
I’ve seen Cobb and Ruth
roaming below
Shoeless Joe
DiMaggio
Goslin, Cochrane
and Schoolboy Rowe
Dizzy and Medwick
and Murderers Row
I’ve seen Gehrig and Greenberg
the Bomber, the Bull
The Kid and Jackie Robinson
and a house that was full
Jimmy Brown
and Bobby Layne
Old Lem Barney
and Night Train Lane
Yogi and Mickey
Gator and Cash
Don Wert’s single
Kaline’s mad dash
Lolich and Denny
Ozzie and Jake
Old Frank Feneck
at the All-Star break
Seen Marvin
Sing the anthem
Feliciano in blue
It changed the game
and America, too
Saw Horton nail Brock
Dock Ellis in shock
Saw Chuck Hughes fall
Where Butkus stood tall
Saw The Bird in his roost
Saw Gibby and Goose
Sparky and Rozey
Trammell and Lou
Mandela and Rosa
Little Stevie, too
Then Fick hit the roof
and the lights went out
And the ballpark crumbled
and the weeds did sprout
I watched as the diamond
Grew riven with trash
The basepaths and outfield
Scattered with ash
But the weeds were cut
and the field restored
And the heavens opened
and the rains, they poured
Navin Field
Our bond is true
Through the years
No matter the hue
I was lean
I was green
I grew rusty and blue
Like Harvey Kuenn
and Rod Carew
I am tall
I am frail
I am old
and I am grey
I am the flagpole
And I am all that remains
This poem first appeared in the blog for the Navin Field Grounds Crew.
As another season
Bites the dust,
What will it take to
Fire Brad Ausmus?
A filthy striptease on the airport bus?
Kicking Trammell in the truss?
Wiping his ass with pizza in disgust?
Cussing out John Wockenfuss?
I fear there is nothing
More to discuss–
The Tigers will never, ever
Fire Brad Ausmus.
Edwin Jackson
Might have some action
Left in his fastball, batters fear,
‘Cuz Baltimore signed him
His “best” years behind him
His 12th team in 14 years.
Buck, it’s a mirage–
He can’t hit a garage,
Throws as straight as a cluster of starlings.
Looks like Duquette’s
Willing to forget
His results with the Cubs and the Marlins.
And the Tigers.
And the Padres.
And the Braves.
And the White Sox.
And the Dodgers.
And probably the Pilots.
Francisco, the K-Rod of lore,
Can’t get batters out like before.
Bought by Detroit for a bag of rocks,
He now harangues reporters to squawk
No coach ever asked about his demotion.
Where did he ever get the mad notion
That, at his current level of play,
Ausmus and Dubee needed his okay?
Whether by smoke signal, carrier pigeon or love letter,
There’s only one message for you, pal: Pitch better.