Autumn’s New Retirees

by James Finn Garner

Before the Fall gets underway,
Let us doff our caps and say
Goodbye to those who’ll junk their cleats,
Leave the park and walk the streets.

Super-versatile Angel Chone
Will now be the utility man at home.
Grant Balfour, hothead Aussie,
Can only fume when his wife gets bossy.

Phil Humber’s vaunted perfect game
Was his sole stat worth noting (such a shame).
The Prince has trouble with his neck–
He’ll inspire no more fear on-deck.

Tex and A-Rod will leave the Yanks
And all their fans will mumble thanks,
While Raf Soriano has called an end
To tell war stories, a fine fireman.

But let’s not forget the other guys,
Young tyros once, with starry eyes,
Who gave their all but somehow missed
The general manager’s call-up list.

They’re just as key to the game as any
Adam LaRoche or Brad Penny.
Talent, drive and dreams they bid,
Just like us when we were kids.

 

Interleague Play

By Millie Bovich

Here’s a message for baseball’s commish.
Just read this ’cause that is my wish:
Interleague play’s a loss
Are you listening, boss?
Tiger baseball’s my favorite dish.

Let’s make it the way that it was
Just the All-Stars and Series because
We’ll know who’s the best
Let each league pass the test
For the cheers, or the jeers, or guffaws!

 

Giving the Mudhens the Bird

by James Finn Garner

He flubbed a fly, then flipped the bird
Tyler Collins’ pique was absurd
Smart Tigers fans knew when to boo
Now Toledo laments, “What did we do?”