Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Rendon, Rodon and Rondon
Were drinking beers one day
Their waitress Babs then served the tab
But couldn’t get it paid
For Rendon tore his tendon
When reaching for his dough
And the harlots down in Charlotte
Had left Rodon with diddly-oh
Rondon’s wing was in a sling
His back pocket much too far
So poor old Babs had to eat the tab
And banned them from her bar
White Sox
Eaton, a Danish,
And fans hungry for more than
Just a few churros
Indians
Can we just bury
That nickname somewhere out by
Bad Knee ligament?
Tigers
‘15 may see a
Tyger! Tyger! Burning bright—
If Verlander’s back
Royals
Sudden royalty
Must beware of slipping back
Toward the commoners
Twins
Hometown hero Paul
Will learn that spring is full of hope
And buds that don’t bloom
My fantasy team
gets worse and worser.
I hope I get to
draft Max Scherzer.
George Bowering is the author of more than 100 books. In 2002, he was named Canada’s first Parliamentary Poet Laureate.
Don’t be glum
Don’t ask why
Albuquerque’s just a 6th inning guy
Don’t you fret
Don’t you worry
After the 7th, we’ll turn to Soria
Don’t lose hope
Just have faith — when
It’s down to one inning, we’ll bring in Nathan
No matter where
Or what or when,
I’m skipper, and would do it all again.
Five hundred eleven – the wins of Cy
near three sixty-seven – the bat of Ty
But in baseball heaven, just blink an eye . . .
.   and records will be broken.
Just look at Babe Ruth – seven hundred fourteen
.   To tell you the truth, his home runs were seen
.       to hold a record not passed – thirty-nine years, ‘til alas
Hank Aaron’s bat was woken.
Yet there is a record that will ever stand,
.   but it’s not Ted Williams, and it’s not Stan the Man
.       don’t look to Tris Speaker, don’t bank on Pete Rose
. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â for this baseball record every ballplayer knows
.   belongs, yes it does, to another.
It’s not for stolen bases – though Oakland’s a believer
.   nor is it held by aces – like Gibson, Ford or Seaver
No, the sole baseball mark that will hold in every park
.   belongs to father, son, and brother.
The record that won’t break, held through highs and heartache,
is going seven-for-seven, every baseball season week
.   since 1911 – now that is quite a feat!
It’s keeping baseball alive since 1925.
It’s zero games missed since 1886.
It’s giving ballplayers a reason
.   to thrive in baseball season.
Yes, the only baseball record
.   that will maintain its stand
.       belongs to the beloved,
.           committed baseball fans!