From Verse to Worse

by Susan Petrone

Friday’s game against the Twins was one I really hoped we’d win
I figured it  might be a fight. The Twins aren’t great, but they don’t bite.

Of course the question from word go was which Ubaldo J. would show.
The guy with the electric slider, or the one who makes you drink hard cider?

Top of one, bases full, no outs; it looked like it would be  a rout.
Struck out the side, never fear–the Good Ubaldo J. was here!

Ten big strikeouts, holy crap!  Too bad the offense took a nap.
The score read four walks, six hits, and one stinking run to show for it.

Final score was five to one. This is not what you’d call fun.
At losing we are quite adroit, unlike those guys up in Detroit.

Tigers won, so did the Rays. I hope the Orioles beat the A’s.
If it isn’t too pretentious, check the odds at Baseball Prospectus.

We may yet play into October, (yes, THIS October and yes, I’m sober).
Thus I’ll wait to drown my sorrows. Let’s see if they win tomorrow.

 

Susan Petrone blogs about the Tribe at the site, It’s Pronounced Lajaway.

Ode to a Bad Bengal Batsman

by Millie Bovich

At bat there is none to compara
To our Tiger named Miggie Cabrera
.      His homers go far
.      One clipped a low star
And one bounced the sands of Sahara!

 

The Cream and the Clerihew (Biogenesis Edition)

By James Finn Garner and Stuart Shea

Alex Rodriguez,
A swing and a mezz.
To avoid having his paycheck shorn
Will take more than a magical unicorn.

Bud Selig
Don’t much dig
Guys who drug up to keep their bodies from wearin’
Unless, of course, they’re Henry Aaron.

Nelson Cruz
Is going to lose
If he appeals his case
And people throw his minor league records in his face.

Bud Selig
If he were like “Zelig”
Would appear at different points in time
And let others be punished for his crimes.

Jhonny Peralta
Didn’t say it wasn’t his fault-a.
He’ll take his suspension
To not jeopardize his pension.

Bud Selig
Is a useless relic
From when players did what they were told
And owners hoarded all the gold.

 

The Biogenesis All-Star Squad

By Stuart Shea

Bartolo Colon,
Big and round,
Is on the mound.

Francisco Cervelli,
A-Rod’s teammate,
Is behind the plate.

Jesus Montero
Will suit up at first,
Though his bat is the worst.

Jhonny Peralta
Has a bat to be reckoned,
And we’ll move him to second.

To play at short,
The Padres’ rara,
Everth Cabrera.

At third base, of course,
With broken-down bod,
A-Rod.

Fernando Martinez
Is playing left field,
With a .240 yield.

Melky Cabrera
Will hold down center–
He’s just a renter.

Nelson Cruz
Is out there in right…
At least for tonight.

 

Joaquin: A Fine Line

by James Finn Garner

Dear knowledgeable fans of Detroit:
Your powers I’d like to exploit.
With your linguistic skills so adroit,
Can you tell us how to pronounce Benoit?