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The Ofers

by James Finn Garner

To diagnose the Yankees’ ills,
Don’t sacrifice a gopher
And scan for signs in its entrails —
The problem is the ofers.

Infante was tattooed, not tagged.
The call at second wasn’t kosher
But potential outrage only dragged
Down this lineup full of ofers.

Beyond JV, the Tiges ain’t sound —
Hell, they’re staying with their “closer”! —
But slow-pitch softball might confound
This Murderer’s Row of ofers.

Get ready for a shopping spree
When the season’s mercifully over.
A blind man’s dog throws up to see
This lousy bunch of ofers.

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A Busher and a Peck?

by Michael X. Ferraro

Pitcher Al Alburquerque
With a move some found jerky
Got to “first base” with a ball.
When he nabbed a comebacker
And gave it a wet smacker,
It made all the A’s want to brawl.

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Detroit Tigers 2012

by Bradley A. Peraino

Miggy won the Triple Crown; MVP is no debate.
Prince has also put up big while standing at the plate.
J.V. ‘s up for the Cy Young, his second in two years.
Max has been unhittable, and leaves the field to cheers.

Jackson ran the center field, he never left his feet.
Berry couldn’t be thrown out, he just has too much heat.
Avila caught the balls and strikes, with a little help from Laird.
Peralta and Infante: a decent middle once they’re paired.

Valverde heads the bullpen, with Dotel, Benoit and Coke.
When Alburquerque gets brought in, he’s always throwing smoke.
Dirks has come through in the clutch; he’s this year’s big surprise.
The ball has looked a little big in Delmon’s DH eyes.

The team was led by Leyland, the boss, the chief, the skip.
He guided them through every game, McClendon on his hip.
This awesome baseball season has been brought to us by God,
And almost every play I watched this year was called by Mario and Rod.

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News of the Day

by James Finn Garner

The hitter for our era
Triple Crown Miguel Cabrera

Texas falls to wild card
From A’s maulers going yard

Yankees claim at last the East
Atlanta goes to best from least

All the pieces now in place
For the annual October race

But my joy is kept in check
Hearing of Pat Neshek
Whose baby boy Gehrig passed on
Amidst all the celebrations

We cheer as one
But grieve alone
November comes
And we are gone

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The Tigers Hope in 5 Thru 9

by Michael Galer

All will be forgiven
If we keep on livin’
Oh, 5 thru 9 please get on base

I’m not lyin’
I’ve been cryin’
When you’re up to bat in your place

The hittin’ coach is at fault, the nerve!
He never taught you to hit the curve.
Oh, 5 thru 9 you can ding their ace.

You could really help down the stretch
Maybe it’s Roy’s “Wonderboy” you could fetch
Oh, 5 thru 9 join the chase

Only 10 games remain
All year you have driven me insane
Oh, 5 thru 9 please help us win the race