Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
I’m Jeff Baker, and I’ve got a role
Hitting left-handers is what I do.
Plug me into any old hole,
And I’ll hit .300–but field that, too.
Try me at third, or left, or right,
My glove is decent but I don’t move well.
My bat drags heavy, though my salary’s light,
And I wish that I had more to sell.
But hitting those southpaws gets me a gig–
I’ve already graced three teams this year!
With a bit more skill, my salary would be big,
But sometimes I’m just glad to be here.
Tigers at Wrigley
Victory thrown to the wind
Sweet Home Chicago
Peralta sees the hardball skip
Sees the speedy runner tip
To slide for second, flips
The ball to force … no? Oh sh**!
How’s he safe? Man, better get
Ready for the next man’s hit
Campana’s fast, let it rip!
Bang bang out! No?! Frick!
Umps call safe – here’s the Skip
Doesn’t matter, Cubs are slick
And set for win. Jhonny spits
his disgust. Tomorrow …
… he will hit
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
“They might break even
if the young pitching improves.”
We’ve heard this before.
BOSTON RED SOX
After a tough loss
the new manager searches
for false-nose glasses
SEATTLE MARINERS
Jesus can create
a feast from loaves and fishes,
but Jesus can’t catch.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
With steroids now banned
normal aging will resume.
The cliff draws near.
DETROIT TIGERS
Trying to play third
when first base is a stretch could
drive a man to drink.