Ossie Vitt

by Michael Ceraolo

I understand there’s a brain injury
that even today can only be detected
after death in an autopsy
I was in collisions at the plate,
and a Walter Johnson curveball beaned me
and knocked me out for several minutes;
if it had been a fastball I would have been killed
(I’m sure some of the Indians wish I had been)
Was it a brain injury, or the times,
that shaped my management style?
At this late date we’ll never know

Ken Keltner

The worst mistake I ever made
was to file for unemployment in the offseason,
something that seemed like a good idea at the time
but was much less so once we sobered up,
and I deserved all the abuse I took for it
What was not a mistake was being one of the players
who went to the owner asking for Vitt to be fired
We didn’t deserve his abuse,
and we didn’t deserve the abuse
from fans and sportswriters

Mel Harder

Being the longest-tenured Indian,
I was the leader of the group
that went to Mr. Bradley and asked his to fire Vitt
We were called Crybabies then and for years afterward,
but I’ll always believe we were right:
Vitt didn’t know how to treat people
He was never hired again
as manager of a major-league team

 

All-Star Clerihews #3: The Bad and the Beautiful

Byron Buxton
Through his awesome powers of deduction
Has determined the murderer of Lord McBroom
Is someone in this room!

Luis Arraez
Is not one to compromise.
If it’s not Johnnie Walker Black,
He sends it back.

Joe Musgrove
Is an ace with the cookstove.
He takes sausage and flapjacks
To the max.

Miguel Cabrera
Is the finest hitter of his era
And a real joy to watch play —
I have nothing snarky to say.

 

Rip Sewell

by Michael Ceraolo

I’m proud of my major-league career,
though some will denigrate it
because I pitched through the war
I’m proud of resurrecting the eephus pitch
(I thought I had invented it,
but I understand historians have found
someone who threw it before I was born)
But what I’m most proud of is my part
in the defeat of Murphy’s Guild in ’46:
I spoke out against the strike,
and the proposed union went down to defeat

Three for Miggy!

by Millie Bovich

Miggy knew well with this at bat
His brain on message ‘neath his hat
He struck the sphere
Heard thund’rous cheer
It’s Hit 3,000 — ‘magine that!

Miggy knew this was the night
And held that piece of lumber tight
A mighty swing
He whacked that thing
Just like a blast of dynamite!

3000’s not a mighty sum
If you count cars or bubble gum.
Count hits instead
I’ve heard it said
The hoopla’s ad infinitum!

Millie Bovich, a longtime Bardball contributor, has been a Tigers fan since the days of Hal Newhouser and Virgil Trucks.

 

The Fans’ Lament

by Millie Bovich

Written during the last baseball strike in 1995, 27 years ago. Hope it doesn’t happen again!

If only Abner Doubleday could step back to today,
He’d be mighty disappointed his game is not in play.

He’d expect to find the traffic and the folks around the park,
‘Cause he knew that there’d be day games, and as many after dark.

He would want to see the rippling of Old Glory ‘gainst the sky,
And the silhouettes of people on a mission shuffling by.

He would sniff to find the favorite smells, familiar and clear,
Of relish, dogs and mustard, and a hint of stale warm beer.

Old Abner D. would want to hear the sound of cracking bat,
And see the man in right field smooth his hair beneath his hat.

But there is no sweating pitcher, no dusty slide to third,
There is no home run ball that goes a-flying like a bird.

There is no team that’s visiting, no coaches, batboys, so
No spitting, scratching home team in the dugout down below.

Where is the center fielder, where’s the catcher and his sign?
Where’s the skinny, scrappy manager who won’t step on a line?

Where’s the nimble-legged shortstop, where’s the unexpected shout
Of the chest-protected umpire who too often yells, “YER OUT!”

Where’s the blooper, where’s the error, where’s the field of grassy green,
Where the two colliding fielders as the ball falls in between?

Old Doubleday would lift his eyes to see the scoreboard dark,
And the lonely seats all empty all around the baseball park.

He would shuffle ‘cross the infield and would probably heave a sigh,
Saying, “Why, oh why, in ’94 did baseball have to die?”

There was magic in the sunshine, there was magic when it rained.
When the Tigers left the diamond every loyal fan complained.

Can’t the owners and the players just sit down and have a talk?
We want vendors hawking pizza and four balls to be a walk!

We miss our favorite pastime in those old and hallowed places,
We need the sound and sight of baseball in our ears and in our faces!

Something’s missing on the sports page, something’s missing in the News,
We’re deprived as fans of baseball, we’ve a right to sing the blues!

There’s a blank in our existence, it’s a dirty rotten shame,
Players aren’t compiling numbers for the Baseball Hall of Fame.

There is truth in that old adage, Abner’s spirit roams the crowd,
And he sits among the faithful, cheering boist’rously and loud!

Now his spirit needs appeasing, now the fans stand sad and blue.
In the ninth with bases loaded, where’s the answer tried and true?

We WANT to see the game again, we LONG to hear the call,
Of a feisty, sunburned umpire and those special words, ‘PLAY BALL!”