The Fans’ Lament

by Millie Bovich

Written during the last baseball strike in 1995, 27 years ago. Hope it doesn’t happen again!

If only Abner Doubleday could step back to today,
He’d be mighty disappointed his game is not in play.

He’d expect to find the traffic and the folks around the park,
‘Cause he knew that there’d be day games, and as many after dark.

He would want to see the rippling of Old Glory ‘gainst the sky,
And the silhouettes of people on a mission shuffling by.

He would sniff to find the favorite smells, familiar and clear,
Of relish, dogs and mustard, and a hint of stale warm beer.

Old Abner D. would want to hear the sound of cracking bat,
And see the man in right field smooth his hair beneath his hat.

But there is no sweating pitcher, no dusty slide to third,
There is no home run ball that goes a-flying like a bird.

There is no team that’s visiting, no coaches, batboys, so
No spitting, scratching home team in the dugout down below.

Where is the center fielder, where’s the catcher and his sign?
Where’s the skinny, scrappy manager who won’t step on a line?

Where’s the nimble-legged shortstop, where’s the unexpected shout
Of the chest-protected umpire who too often yells, “YER OUT!”

Where’s the blooper, where’s the error, where’s the field of grassy green,
Where the two colliding fielders as the ball falls in between?

Old Doubleday would lift his eyes to see the scoreboard dark,
And the lonely seats all empty all around the baseball park.

He would shuffle ‘cross the infield and would probably heave a sigh,
Saying, “Why, oh why, in ’94 did baseball have to die?”

There was magic in the sunshine, there was magic when it rained.
When the Tigers left the diamond every loyal fan complained.

Can’t the owners and the players just sit down and have a talk?
We want vendors hawking pizza and four balls to be a walk!

We miss our favorite pastime in those old and hallowed places,
We need the sound and sight of baseball in our ears and in our faces!

Something’s missing on the sports page, something’s missing in the News,
We’re deprived as fans of baseball, we’ve a right to sing the blues!

There’s a blank in our existence, it’s a dirty rotten shame,
Players aren’t compiling numbers for the Baseball Hall of Fame.

There is truth in that old adage, Abner’s spirit roams the crowd,
And he sits among the faithful, cheering boist’rously and loud!

Now his spirit needs appeasing, now the fans stand sad and blue.
In the ninth with bases loaded, where’s the answer tried and true?

We WANT to see the game again, we LONG to hear the call,
Of a feisty, sunburned umpire and those special words, ‘PLAY BALL!”

 

Freehan

by Jim Siergey

Bill Freehan
Born in Detroit
Played in Detroit
Died in Detroit
Mr. Motor City

It’s Gonna Happen (500 homers)

by Millie Bovich

From 2013:

At bat there is none to compara
To our Tiger named Miggie Cabrera
His homers go far
One clipped a low star
And one bounced the sands of Sahara!

Now:

When facing a fastball, he’s not one to cower
Our Miggie Cabrera’s the man of the hour
And speaking of homers, oh man alive,
He’s hammered a hundred–but make that times five!

 

All-Star Cerihews 1: Rides Again

Gregory Soto
Swears like a mofo
When he misses with that strike,
Let’s hope he’s not miked.

Nelson Cruz
Has paid his dues
A better batter in his fifth decade
He’ll go straight from the trainer’s room to Medicaid.

Marcus Semien
Is an infield chameleon
He currently looks great in Blue
Could easily switch to Cardinal or Red, too.

Yusei Kikuchi
Would like to send a smoochie
To his mom and dad in Japan
And all the Saitama Seibu Lions fans.