Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
CHICAGO WHITE SOX
With the mouth gone to
Sunnier climes, will the Sox
Be hung out to dry?
CLEVELAND INDIANS
“Is Grady injured?”
“Was there a Tuesday last week?”
Michael Brantley’s glad.
DETROIT TIGERS
27 games
Before Brandon Inge returns
To reclaim third base.
KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Those young hitters can’t
Overpower the smell of
Five pieces of meat.
MINNESOTA TWINS
Such a nice ballpark
And such nice people watching
Their nice, boring team.
Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau
Had miserable seasons, and so
. The Twins are now heading
. Into future rough sledding
In the land of the ice and the snow.
600 dingers for Big Jim Thome!
Hit without juicing but only
Muscle and heart
And a jaw
That could flatten John McGraw.
Our own version of the Mighty Casey
Whom dads can point to
And tell their kids in awe,
“That, my darlings, THAT is a slugger!”
Twenty runs the Rangers scored,
Seven of them had three hits.
Every arm the Twins ran out there
Gave Ron Gardenhire the shits.
Paul
Hit a ball
Out for his fifth straight day. No Sox
Bat has got six straight days of park-vacating knocks.
Mitch
Also hit a ball out, which
Put things such that his squad won.
No outs–not a pitch (bar 10 and a half prior innings’ worth)–prior to winning run.
Zack
Didn’t lack
For Ks,
Notching 10 against Rays.
Ryan Howard
Is not a coward.
His hit wound up a big inning
So his squad wound up winning.
Brian
Had to start pitching, as Placido and Ryan
Both got hit by a pitch
On back-to-back plays, that inning. At that point, you must switch.
Carl Pavano
Had to go mano-a-mano
With his opposing moundsman. Carl didn’t notch a hit
But as his squad had 8 in as many at-bats, was cool with it.
Justin Smoak
Was part of a ninth-inning croak.
His squad was up by four
But couldn’t shut Washington’s door.
Ember Nickel blogs at Lipogram! Scorecard!