Cheering the Tigers in Minnesota

by James Motz

What’s this – a dome? This field is a joke!
Everything all fake, bunch of mirrors and smoke.
Where’s the blue skies and warm sunny feelings
Instead of blue plastic, “Baggies” – a ceiling?!

Neck twisted left for eight innings to see
The man in gray swing and miss for strike three!
You call that working the count? Must I
Suffer the insult of cheering that guy?!

The whole thing unfolds, painful to watch.
First a single, a double, couple of walks.
The lead for our team, thought to be safe
Now just about gone – and I’m outta faith.

The fan to my right stands up and cheers,
He’s awfully close to our un-empty beers,
But how can he resist from rubbing it in?
The mighty Tigers have a crappy bullpen!

“Break out the brooms!” He takes up the shout.
Whole lousy place ready, there’s really no doubt…
There! Crede kills us again, no surprise.
Every time, losing to a team I despise.

Cramped in my seat, I glower. “This sucks!”
Says my friend who spent over sixty bucks
To drive from Wisconsin to watch them win.
Now he goes home disappointed again.

Another lead blown, and all the fans scream,
And in my new town, down goes my old team.
The teeth are grit hard, tears beg to be wept,
My beloved Detroit Tigers got swept.

.

Posted 6/2/2009

AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL 2009 HAIKU FORECASTS

By Stuart Shea

WHITE SOX
From dawn to midnight
Glistening sweat beads cover
Guillen’s press spokesmen.

TWINS
Sweet April moonlight
Means “farewell” if the Twins are
Without Joe Mauer.

INDIANS
Each cool autumn
Indians fans get just the
Thin end of the Wedge.

ROYALS
Gold Kansas wheatfields
Yield more each season than
Green fields at Kauffmann.

TIGERS
A solar eclipse
Can’t match the disappearance
Of Dontrelle’s control.

Posted 4/1/09

Land of 10,000 Chokes

by James Finn Garner

Defeating the Twins isn’t easy
In that convention hall they call a dome,
But who could foresee the series would be
Like the Vandals’ destruction of Rome?

The White Sox wasted the season.
The grinders’ swings turned to hacks.
So thoroughly owned were the Sox, they’re showin’
Herm Schneider rug burns on their backs.

Now the players can mutter and grumble
While the Cubbies are showered with cheers.
A Subway Series?  Not this time, dearies.
Check back in another 100 years.

Posted 9/26/08

Buy More Bonds

by James Finn Garner

Barry Bonds, Barry Bonds,
Won’t someone please buy Barry Bonds?

The burly man-child at 44
Surely can give something more.

While the Rangers could use his mighty bat,
Texas must have a big enough hat.

In Minnesota he could deliver the goods,
And spend days off prowling the woods.

In New York, the powerful media glare
Would show if there’s any personality there.

Washington would enjoy spinning turnstiles,
And be handy for the start of his perjury trial.

It’s time to move to make the playoffs this year.
Come on! He can give SOMEONE a shot in the rear!

Posted 8/18/08Â