Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
While Hannibal traversed the Alps
Intent on taking Rome,
Anibal’s needed too much help
Getting the ball over home.
Hannibal rode pachyderms,
Part of his martial plan,
While Anibal hopes to come to terms
With any team that he can.
As the leaves turn from green to brown
And we rekindle antipathy for Joe Buck
Let’s recall players whose careers are done
And their stories of drive and hope and luck.
Jered Weaver, strikeout ace,
Can now just putter around his place.
Atlanta’s Frenchy, Jeff Francouer
Will now as a TV color man tour.
SF fans can thank Matt Cain
For embiggening the Jints again.
Likewise, Ryan Vogelsong
Can practice bird calls all day long.
Joe Nathan will have to find his thrill
Somewhere other than the bullpen hill.
And Nick Swisher, quintessential bro,
Will just leave a trail of grit where’er he goes.
To these and all other retirees
Thank you for the thrilling years.
Now, with us, relax near the TV,
Watch some playoff ball and enjoy some beers.
O, how I wish Destiny put
As catcher, one day, Barry Foote
While on the mound lands
The hurler Bill Hands
I’d pay an arm and a leg to see that
The bullpen is aptly in place
With perfectly named Elroy Face
As one last zinger
We add Rollie Fingers
With Heinie Manush up to bat
As he comes to the plate, there’s a buzz,
The one man with the name to give pause,
Each syllable clear-
Ly a body part dear:
Here comes man-of-parts Tony Armas!
Rod Carew
Swung as smooth
As warm cashew
Butter
While Killebrew
Did tattoo
Many a drooping
Cutter
Jim Kaat
Knew thaat
His curve could make baats
Flutter
Jim Perry
Never varied
Or cheated like his hairy
Brutter
I’ve seen Cobb and Ruth
roaming below
Shoeless Joe
DiMaggio
Goslin, Cochrane
and Schoolboy Rowe
Dizzy and Medwick
and Murderers Row
I’ve seen Gehrig and Greenberg
the Bomber, the Bull
The Kid and Jackie Robinson
and a house that was full
Jimmy Brown
and Bobby Layne
Old Lem Barney
and Night Train Lane
Yogi and Mickey
Gator and Cash
Don Wert’s single
Kaline’s mad dash
Lolich and Denny
Ozzie and Jake
Old Frank Feneck
at the All-Star break
Seen Marvin
Sing the anthem
Feliciano in blue
It changed the game
and America, too
Saw Horton nail Brock
Dock Ellis in shock
Saw Chuck Hughes fall
Where Butkus stood tall
Saw The Bird in his roost
Saw Gibby and Goose
Sparky and Rozey
Trammell and Lou
Mandela and Rosa
Little Stevie, too
Then Fick hit the roof
and the lights went out
And the ballpark crumbled
and the weeds did sprout
I watched as the diamond
Grew riven with trash
The basepaths and outfield
Scattered with ash
But the weeds were cut
and the field restored
And the heavens opened
and the rains, they poured
Navin Field
Our bond is true
Through the years
No matter the hue
I was lean
I was green
I grew rusty and blue
Like Harvey Kuenn
and Rod Carew
I am tall
I am frail
I am old
and I am grey
I am the flagpole
And I am all that remains
This poem first appeared in the blog for the Navin Field Grounds Crew.