Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO WHITE SOX
Will Morel mushroom
into a good third baseman
Or just become waste?
CLEVELAND INDIANS
Um…Jack Hannanan?
In the lineup? At third base?
It’s not April 1.
DETROIT TIGERS
The Tigers, a team
of 25 question marks.
A growl? A meow?
KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Ending up with Jeff
Francoeur…that’s a real bad day
At the rummage sale.
MINNESOTA TWINS
If he keeps winning,
Carl Pavano can look like
A porn star all year.
Zach Grienke’s arm is hinky.
Jake Peavy’s feeling skeevy.
Adam Wainwright’s wing ain’t right.
Rich Harden’s asked for pardon.
Brad Lidge is off a smidge.
That goes ditto for Johnny Cueto.
And an inflamed elbow is causing
Pain for Jason Isringhausen.
Thank God for March,
So these great apes
Have one less month
To fall out of shape.
The snowy hair
The doleful stare
The mangled speech
The subtle preach
The dubious start
The gentle heart
The hook that stings
Three Series rings
The postgame pipe
The misplaced hype
Shaggy dog stories
Humble glories
A light gone dark
We’ll miss you, Spark
Before thy vic’try p’rades begin,
With Sterling’d tongue and Suzyn’d spin,
Be gone, olde curd! Ye shalt not sin!
One gaem doth not thy playoffs win!
Let no grand pride swell deep within
Thy supple breast, thy pinstripe’d skin,
Let nay among ye boast to Twin!
One gaem doth not thy playoffs win!
Do not thy winner’s hanky wave,
Scout not the Philly, G’int or Brave.
These brutish Twins we’ve yet to stave.
One gaem doth not Octobre save!
This poem was pilfered from Hart’s Yankee blog, It is High, It is Far, It is …. Caught.
Counting: 15 out of 16 years past
to Yankee playoff possibility:
Pirates? Padres? The Indians, e.g.?
(the list of small- & medium-market
teams is as long as owners’ ledgers)
a dis-service to their fans:
So don’t argue:
That your team owners may be committed
to money to profit not to bases counted
or games won: to profit sharing:
& so much for quality & parity
Some teams are designed to contend
others merely to make money