Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By Stuart Shea
Real Brewers don’t go out of business so fast.
Real White Sox don’t unravel in hours.
And actual Angels don’t fall from the stars
And land on their butts.
And real Cubs don’t slink out with their tails between their legs
Like a pack of whipped mutts.
Posted 10/16/08
by Millie Bovich
The Tigers too have had their bats
And ended swinging most at gnats.
The second highest paying club,
To no avail – now there’s the rub.
A few guys sparkled in the end,
But still we lose, no winners send
To play in cool October’s fest.
Let’s face it: we’re not close to best.
A perfect park, a host of fans
To yell and cheer, no banging pans
On Woodward Ave to send the clue.
The Tigers knew just what to do.
To win the pennant and beyond,
To win the Series, we’ve been conned.
But wait a minute! What! I hear
We’ll try to do it come next year!
Posted 10/7/08
Some say we face the End Times,
With ice caps disappearing,
Financial pains and hurricanes,
And war with Russia nearing.
But th’ hills of Armageddon
Will look like fields of clover
If the Pale Hose and Cubs oppose
Each other in October.
We’ll see blue-faced yuppies pounce
On shirtless mokes with mullets,
The Bridgeport night with bombs alight,
and Bernie’s strafed with bullets.
The hordes of Satan’s army
And counterparts from Heaven
Will find that they’ve not much to save
If the Series goes to seven.
Posted 10/1/08
by James Finn Garner
Defeating the Twins isn’t easy
In that convention hall they call a dome,
But who could foresee the series would be
Like the Vandals’ destruction of Rome?
The White Sox wasted the season.
The grinders’ swings turned to hacks.
So thoroughly owned were the Sox, they’re showin’
Herm Schneider rug burns on their backs.
Now the players can mutter and grumble
While the Cubbies are showered with cheers.
A Subway Series? Not this time, dearies.
Check back in another 100 years.
Posted 9/26/08
By James Finn Garner
I can be in the outfield and play every day.
I don’t want to DH.
I don’t feel like a baseball player
when I DH.
I don’t know how to be a leader that I am
from the bench.
I can’t be a vocal leader.
I can’t talk to guys from the bench
because
I don’t feel right about it.
A voice whispers, But you agreed to come to the Tigers knowing you would DH.
I
understood that,
but in my mind
I’m not going to
accept that.
That’s my role,
but I don’t have to
accept it
or
like it.
Taken from quotes in a Boston Globe interview, 8/11/08
Posted 8/25/08Â