AL Central – Page 114

August 18, 2008

Buy More Bonds

by James Finn Garner

Barry Bonds, Barry Bonds,
Won’t someone please buy Barry Bonds?

The burly man-child at 44
Surely can give something more.

While the Rangers could use his mighty bat,
Texas must have a big enough hat.

In Minnesota he could deliver the goods,
And spend days off prowling the woods.

In New York, the powerful media glare
Would show if there’s any personality there.

Washington would enjoy spinning turnstiles,
And be handy for the start of his perjury trial.

It’s time to move to make the playoffs this year.
Come on! He can give SOMEONE a shot in the rear!

Posted 8/18/08

August 11, 2008

by Sid Yiddish
Well, the Sox fans hate the Cubs fans,
And the Cubs fans hate the Sox fans,
Yet, both teams are doing so very well.
So why, why do the fans give each other hell?
It couldn’t be a Northside versus Southside stigma, now could it?

Still, let’s get one thing straight:
There are vital differences between them,

And it all boils down to this…

White collar versus blue collar,
Upper management versus the union,
Family versus The Family,
Particular versus pride,
The SUV versus the family van,
Pencil-neck versus redneck,
The prize trophy wife versus the missus,
The hunks versus the hits,
The stunts versus the stats,
The goat versus the gut.

But it’s the Sox fans who can take the heat, versus the Cub fans who will try to sell you the entire kitchen.

Posted 8/11/08

August 8, 2008

Grandy

by James Finn Garner

Grandy!
No one with a bat is more handy,
With a stance coiled like ribbon candy.

Grandy!
His gait is smooth like aged brandy,
Stretching singles into doubles his modus operandi.

Grandy!
In any outfield, verdant or sandy,
He’ll grab more flies than the Rio Grande.
With five skills at his command, he
Picks up his team like a Starbucks grande.
He could melt the heart of Tristram Shandy.
Man o man, that kid is dandy.
Can’t you tell? I love Grandy!

Posted 8/8/08

August 1, 2008May 5, 2020