Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Bill Monbouquette
Needed no sobriquet
For a name with such musical flow
But Bill Monbouquette
A sobriquet did get
His teammates all called him “Monbo”
Did Bill Monbouquette
Ever regret
That his name went on forevermore?
Because Monbouquette
Was shortened more yet
As M’b’q’t’e in the daily box score.
Chicago White Sox
Best to seek new park
Before taking the field with
A terrible team.
Cleveland Guardians
An empty cave, just
Like the Guardians’ lineup,
Hasn’t any bats.
Detroit Tigers
Actual prospects,
Bringing April to those who
Want to hope again.
Kansas City Royals
Tethered by contract,
Regardless of performance—
To Witt: 11 years.
Minnesota Twins
By the river live
Siblings united by love
For their baseballists.
I was anything but a natural athlete:
it took a lot of hard work to get to the big leagues,
a lot of hard work to stay there,
and a lot of hard work to have the success I had
And there was a whole new set of pressures:
to play on the High Holy Days or not?
After consulting with a rabbi,
I played on Rosh Hashanah but not on Yom Kippur
I remember the pressure I felt because of my religion,
from those who wanted me to succeed and from those who didn’t,
especially when I was chasing the Babe
I remember the ethnic slurs I received
from opponents, fans, and even the occasional teammate,
well beyond what anyone til then had to endure
And with all that I’m sure
it didn’t compare to what Jackie had to endure
Jackie had some nice things to say about me,
and I hope I lived up to them
I don’t know why I bought the lie
The White Sox would be decent.
I don’t know how hamstrings go pow!
Bats and skills chill, like recent.
I don’t know why Reinsdorf tries
To hire within to change Fate.
I don’t know where Andrew Vaughn stares
While whiffing at the plate.
I don’t know how Robert feels now
And what Keynan and Lance had to say,
But I know one thing: the White Sox would bring
A bigger playoff crowd than Tampa Bay.
The Cubs of 1969:
A season with Hall of Famers,
But an ending not at all divine.
The Indians of 2005:
Chicago’s Pale Hose swept them
Like a beekeeper a beehive.
The Red Sox of 1978:
Bucky Bleepin’ Dent
Kept them from playoff’s gate.
The Blue Jays of 1987:
Many Canadians still mourn
Missing out on baseball’s heaven.
The Phillies of 1964:
“The Phold” phirmly closed
Access to the Fall Classic’s door.
Dr. Oza is a management consultant and facilitates the interpersonal dynamics of MBAs at Stanford University. His novel, Double Play, will be published in 2024 by Chicago’s Third World Press.