by Jim Siergey
One for the South Siders.
All-Star Clerihews #4: Clerihews Reflux
Cole Ragans
Believes that pagans
Get a bad rap in the papers
And also happen to be great landscapers.
Josh Naylor
Has a great tailor
Who crafts slacks for travel
That don’t unravel.
Isaac Paredes
Loves eating spiedies,
Burgoo, tamales, chislic, etouffee–
All the regional dishes of the USA.
Carlos Correa
Has nary a
Bad word to say
About the films and good works of Danny Kaye.
All-Star Clerihews #3: Clerihews Redux
Kirby Yates
Would follow a website that rates
The performances of Kate Winslet
Based on her accent.
Ketel Marte
Would eat banana cream parfaits
At every meal, but doesn’t because
His contract has a weight-gain clause.
Steven Kwan
Will drone on and on
About investing in Bitcoin
Because he’s got the acumen of a pork loin.
Trea Turner
Is a slow learner
3 times invested with Steven Kwan!
Man, that money’s gone gone gone…
All-Star Clerihews #1: Clerihew Resurrection
Tarik Skubal
Is always hungry for noodles.
Chow mein, soba, udon, ramen–
He just tells the waiter, “Keep it comin’!”
Garrett Crochet
Thinks those edible bouquets
Are a colossal waste.
“How much cantaloupe can one person taste?”
Seth Lugo
Reads a lot of Victor Hugo
Daydreaming of an understudy job
With “Les Misérables.”
Shōta Imanaga
Loves the generosity of Chicaga.
He never has to scrounge
To pay for a beer at the Nisei Lounge.
Baseball Rooting
by Thomas O. Davenport
Your favorite athletes move from team to team
The hitters, hurlers, fielders all chase bucks
Old-time fan loyalty is but a dream
As players drive their wealth away in trucks
Free agents’ names and faces give no clue
So raise your voice for the best color scheme
Choose purple, crimson, orange, green or blue
Urge on your favorite sports apparel theme
Or pick the mascot that’s most bold and fierce
The one inclined to slash and slice and slay
With jaws that chomp and bloody claws that pierce
My Tiger dines on fricasseed Blue Jay
What’s more, our park serves only the best ale
No better motive could there be to cheer
And though our squad may flounder, flop and fail
Hip hip hooray! Let’s hear it for our beer!
When you select the club that you’ll support
The nine athletes for whom you’ll choose to root
Ignore the friendly confines of the sport
And contemplate the price in hard-earned loot
The cost is high each time you disembark
So back the team that charges less to park
Tom’s collection of comic verse, Get the Hell to Work, was published by Kelsay Books in 2020.