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The Cream and the Clerihew (Biogenesis Edition)

By James Finn Garner and Stuart Shea

Alex Rodriguez,
A swing and a mezz.
To avoid having his paycheck shorn
Will take more than a magical unicorn.

Bud Selig
Don’t much dig
Guys who drug up to keep their bodies from wearin’
Unless, of course, they’re Henry Aaron.

Nelson Cruz
Is going to lose
If he appeals his case
And people throw his minor league records in his face.

Bud Selig
If he were like “Zelig”
Would appear at different points in time
And let others be punished for his crimes.

Jhonny Peralta
Didn’t say it wasn’t his fault-a.
He’ll take his suspension
To not jeopardize his pension.

Bud Selig
Is a useless relic
From when players did what they were told
And owners hoarded all the gold.

 

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The Biogenesis All-Star Squad

By Stuart Shea

Bartolo Colon,
Big and round,
Is on the mound.

Francisco Cervelli,
A-Rod’s teammate,
Is behind the plate.

Jesus Montero
Will suit up at first,
Though his bat is the worst.

Jhonny Peralta
Has a bat to be reckoned,
And we’ll move him to second.

To play at short,
The Padres’ rara,
Everth Cabrera.

At third base, of course,
With broken-down bod,
A-Rod.

Fernando Martinez
Is playing left field,
With a .240 yield.

Melky Cabrera
Will hold down center–
He’s just a renter.

Nelson Cruz
Is out there in right…
At least for tonight.

 

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Joaquin: A Fine Line

by James Finn Garner

Dear knowledgeable fans of Detroit:
Your powers I’d like to exploit.
With your linguistic skills so adroit,
Can you tell us how to pronounce Benoit?

 

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Halfway-Point Haiku

by D. Bruce Brown

AL East
Boston
A nation believes
That their guys can win it all
History says no

Tampa
Fighting a drab park
Evan isn’t an All-Star?
Our starters will shine

Baltimore
Is Davis for real?
His weight room feats are unreal
The bullpen will tell

New York
An EMT’s dream
But Girardi knows winning
How is Cano’s knee?

Toronto
Can we go from first
To last in the same season?
The rest must collapse

AL West
Oakland
Cespedes homers
Billy Beane is a genius
Damn!  Who ARE these guys?

Texas
So very close twice
Making believers of fans
If only Nolan could pitch

Los Angeles (AoA)
Tons of star power
Swept at home by the Astros
What is going on?

Seattle
In obscurity
They perform for loyal fans
Wait!  Ichiro’s where?

Houston
Switching leagues might help
Two thousand and five was great
But so long ago

AL Central
Detroit
Pitching’s no problem
The best hitter in baseball
These cats have a bite!

Cleveland
Once given for dead
With lectures from Chris Perez
Francona’s now boss

Kansas City
AL’s small market
Yet they have players to watch
Brett’s in the dugout

Minnesota
Trying to build stars
Is hard when your DH is Plouffe
Mauer can still hit

Chicago
South Siders are glum
Sale should have been MVP
Git up!  Git up!  Stretch!

D. Bruce Brown has posted daily trivia questions for Horsehide Trivia since 1997.  He is also the president of the Bob Davids chapter of SABR.

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Minnesota Twins — New York Yankees, July 14, 2013

by Stephen Jones

No easy way to describe –
The Yankees seem alive –
But Minnesota’s brood
Is a thorn in New York’s ashwood.
I am watching in proverbial
Disbelief – this game has all
The earmarks of Murphy’s Law
Of baseball in place: This may be
The Ugliest Game I’ve seen so far.
A team meltdown from mound to plate –
And the glove-load of on-field mistakes?
I am switching,
Before this gets embarrassing,
To something more fulfilling . . .
Like antiques or cooking.