Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Martinez had banged up his frame
And Beltre was dinged, almost lame
.   Two pros that were sore
.   both chose to ignore
the pain for the sake of the game
In Detroit there is reason to shout
Their boys this post season are stout
.   They might not be pretty
.   but these Tigers are gritty
They’re poised and they’re toughin’ it out
Like a monkey on a hurdy-gurdy
Jumps Papa Grande Valverde
As jumbled as a keyboard QWERTY
He gets batters to watch the birdie,
Then with control most absurd, he
Blows it by them, nice and purty.
His yellow glasses somewhat nerdy
Don’t match a gut profound and sturdy.
In interviews he’s somewhat wordy
(Though certainly no Krishnamurti)
Will his total saves reach twice 30?
Will the Motown squad get down and dirty?
With fickle hist’ry flirts he,
Our fireman Jose Valverde.
The hard-stuff was raining in Texas
Said the Tigers, “Their fastballs just wrecked us.”
.   Both bullpens were great
.   but Feliz got three straight:
His pitching was all about Xs
Cruz Control
The trouble with loading the bases
is for runners you’ve run out of places
.   And go extra innings
.   your woe’s just beginning,
’cause brother, you’ve run out of aces
A walk or a homer — you choose
A ball or a strike — they both lose
.   The bases are loaded,
.   your bullpen’s eroded,
and tall at the plate: Nelson Cruz
The Tigers broke out of the zoo
And pummeled the team “You know who”
.   With our hitters on tap
.   And our pitchers with zap
They out-Yankee-ed the Yankees, Yahoo!
A contributor from Bardball’s rookie year, Millie Bovich has been a devoted fan of the Detroit Tigers for eight decades.
All the network media dorks
Sing the praises of New York
They hate visiting places strange
Like Motown and the Texas Range
They’d rather crawl through Gotham sewers
Than watch the Snakes or Rays or Brewers.
They’re happy as a dog with bone
To stay in th’ Eastern Time Zone.
But Yankees pitching ain’t worth a lick.
The Phillies are my pick, in six.