Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Drubbing the Orioles in their own Camden Yards,
The KC Royals are now boasting with pride:
“Lord Baltimore — you won’t go home again.”
Some souls might disagree, warn the team:
“Hey, careful what you wish for, prideful KC.
Your words can make angry birds more angry.”
Tygers, Tygers, slinking low,
Humbled by the sailing O’s,
What makeup will yours be now
If Max and V-Mart take their bows?
We scarce knew you through this year
with superstars bought so dear.
With Triple Crowns and Cy Youngs
The faithful still bit their tongues.
What staff ace learns yet in May
He must recast how to play?
Which outfielder is there that
Can deftly wield both glove ‘n bat?
What cast of manager says,
“Pinch hit? Call Hernan Perez!”
And what manner of bullpen
Features Joba Chamberlain????
Tygers, Tygers, slinking low,
All these questions we would know,
Plus the reason for the fact
Ausmus has a long contract.
Shades of Aesop, fable-teller:
The wee oriole bests a tiger.
But the tale is not an error —
Baltimore’s bird is a raptor.
Jake’s pretty tough–
He has no-hit stuff
Each time he goes out to play.
It’s hard to countenance,
But giving him a chance
Just wasn’t the Oriole way.
“Take me out to the ball game”
Please stand for the National Anthem.
The Home Team takes the field: PLAY BALL!
Bottom of third, man on base,
pitch low and inside, count 3 & 2.
Fastball, strike 3, Batter out.
Man left on base.
The Mick, Duke, Willie, Jackie, Pee Wee,
The Scooter, Yogi, Joe D., Dizzy and Daffy,
Charlie Hustle.
Who’s on first. Abbott & Costello.
Red Sox and White Sox.
“take me out with the crowd”
Twi-light double header:
Cardinals and Orioles.
Da’ Reds/Dem Bums/ The Gas House Gang
Murderers Row/ The Bronx Bombers.
Reliever: South Paw ,Knuckleballer, 2.52 ERA.
The Sultan of Swat/The Splendid Splinter.
The Iron Man.
Lou Gehrig’s disease.
“buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack”
Bottom of 7th, nothing-nothing.
Seventh inning stretch.
Padres and Angels.
A No-Hitter/A Perfect Game.
Holy Cow!
The Bleachers.
Ebbets/Wrigley/Fenway.
“I don’t care if I never get back”
Designated Hitter/Pinch Hitter.
Foul ball/Double play.
Catcher gives the sign.
Tying run at the Plate.
The Yankees win the World Series!
Brooklyn Dodgers and New York Giants:
NOT.
The Metropolitans.
The Nationals.
Topps Baseball cards.
Indians and Braves.
Can’t anyone here play this game?
Casey Stengel.
“let me root, root, root for the home team”
Rain delay/Box scores/Extra innings/K’s/RBI’s.
Negro League:
Only the ball was white.
Where have you gone Joe Dimaggio . . .
Paul Simon.
Devil Rays and Marlins.
Frozen Rope/Texas Leaguer.
Bull Pen/Home Plate/Batter’s Box.
Cooperstown.
Old-Timers Day/All Star Game.
I GOT IT!
“if they don’t win, it’s a shame”
Tagged out/Stolen base.
A swing and a miss.
Pitcher’s mound/Rosin bag/The Rubber.
Red Bird/Phillie Phanatic.
Cubs and Tigers.
A Sinker, down-and-out.
Bunt/Sacrifice/Pitch-out
Popped-up/Loaded bases.
“for it’s one, two , three strikes you’re out
I watch a group of kids playing
baseball in a cow pasture.
“at the old Ball Game.”