Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?
Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?
Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?
Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?
Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?
Tito Francona
Is a bona
Fide baseball Einstein.
We hope real soon he’ll be feeling fine.
Alex Wood
Pitches so good
He can play in-
Stead of the injured Clayton.
Jonathan Schoop
Is no dope–
For Miami, bought sunscreen
And some Word Search magazines.
Miguel Sano
Bit into a poblano
And let out a roar
Due to a cold sore.
Edwin Jackson
Might have some action
Left in his fastball, batters fear,
‘Cuz Baltimore signed him
His “best” years behind him
His 12th team in 14 years.
Buck, it’s a mirage–
He can’t hit a garage,
Throws as straight as a cluster of starlings.
Looks like Duquette’s
Willing to forget
His results with the Cubs and the Marlins.
And the Tigers.
And the Padres.
And the Braves.
And the White Sox.
And the Dodgers.
And probably the Pilots.
When the smoke finally clears,
sometime later this year…
The American League East
will be a black ‘n blue beast:
No team a clear winner…
but one a survivor.
Alley fights and turf wars–
they’re waged just that way.
The Bronx Bombers leveled Baltimore
With their home stand of “Rolling Thunder”.
Their high-flying offense dropped runs, 38;
They carpet-bombed Birds, who managed just 8.
And if these metrics alone
Weren’t enough of a feat,
Bombardier Judge launched one . . .
496 feet.