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When Plugging is Galvanizing (Yankees-Red Sox, 8/18/2013)

by Stephen Jones

I am no fan of A-Rod.  Truth be told:
His off-field antics have left us all cold,
His acts spoiling a national pastime.

But I’d also be less than honest not to chime:
When he was plugged by Ryan Dempster,
That lone-wolf act galvanized Yankee roster.

Girardi fuming, ejected for fairly defending
His player against intentional hunting.
Then Bean Town saw Yankee bats explode

And, sweet irony itself, A-Rod unload
A deep center-field home run off Dempster –
Who by now should have been a “repent-ster.”

The bottom line?  MLB issued suspension
For Dempster’s unwarranted action:
5 meaningless games, late in the season.

Locking the barn door after horses are gone –
the Red Sox’s rotation remains unbroken.

 

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The Ryan Shames

by James Finn Garner

We know he’s a massive tool, Ryan.
At the same time, don’t be trying
To plunk A-Rod in the buttocks
To serve some greater sense of Justice.
He’s still the league’s sacrificial goat
And will surely miss the Hall of Fame vote,
A pitiable man whom no one will pity,
The most loathed non-pol in New York City.
We get it, you’re mad, but don’t be a punk.
You won’t become Batman in one single plunk.
And if it takes you five pitches to nail that poor schlub,
You’re just showing the world you’re still a Cub.

 

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Trade Observation

by Stephen Jones

Jake Peavy traded to the Red Sox?
A needed gift, as far as Boston goes –
To match Tampa heat in the stretch
With mound-building of its own.

And it seems the White Sox,
Hedging with fan-constituents, are
Waving the banner of future prospects.

Peavy said it right, his emotion true:
“Thank you Chicago.  It’s been an honor.
You are first class and I will never forget you.”

 

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Halfway-Point Haiku

by D. Bruce Brown

AL East
Boston
A nation believes
That their guys can win it all
History says no

Tampa
Fighting a drab park
Evan isn’t an All-Star?
Our starters will shine

Baltimore
Is Davis for real?
His weight room feats are unreal
The bullpen will tell

New York
An EMT’s dream
But Girardi knows winning
How is Cano’s knee?

Toronto
Can we go from first
To last in the same season?
The rest must collapse

AL West
Oakland
Cespedes homers
Billy Beane is a genius
Damn!  Who ARE these guys?

Texas
So very close twice
Making believers of fans
If only Nolan could pitch

Los Angeles (AoA)
Tons of star power
Swept at home by the Astros
What is going on?

Seattle
In obscurity
They perform for loyal fans
Wait!  Ichiro’s where?

Houston
Switching leagues might help
Two thousand and five was great
But so long ago

AL Central
Detroit
Pitching’s no problem
The best hitter in baseball
These cats have a bite!

Cleveland
Once given for dead
With lectures from Chris Perez
Francona’s now boss

Kansas City
AL’s small market
Yet they have players to watch
Brett’s in the dugout

Minnesota
Trying to build stars
Is hard when your DH is Plouffe
Mauer can still hit

Chicago
South Siders are glum
Sale should have been MVP
Git up!  Git up!  Stretch!

D. Bruce Brown has posted daily trivia questions for Horsehide Trivia since 1997.  He is also the president of the Bob Davids chapter of SABR.

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Let Me State Our Position Loud and Clerihew (All-Star Edition)

by James Finn Garner

Michael Cuddyer
Might hit the ball higher
On the moon, which has thinner air
Than Denvair.

Dustin Pedroia
Suffers from paranoia.
Though he doesn’t dislike him,
He’s sure the base runner wants to spike him.

Yoenis Cespedes
Doesn’t need us.
He keeps his cool by hitting homers
And ignoring racist tweets from gomers.

Miguel Cabrera
At the plate is a terra.
He’ll win a second Triple Crown
With his mates in Motown.