Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Each summer’s the same—
Young hopefuls and old hopeless
Trapped in the basement.
BOSTON RED SOX
The Hub returns to
Valentine’s Day, which we thought
Was ten years ago.
NEW YORK YANKEES
It seems so pettitte—
That the biggest worry is
Who’ll be fifth starter.
TAMPA BAY RAYS
Quality starters,
Like oranges, can be grown
By best and brightest.
TORONTO BLUE JAYS
O young club of hope,
Answer me this one question:
Have you any chance?
Franchise disarray
Post-season fingers pointing
Rumor mill working
Franchise scrambling
Truth . . . Boston fog obscuring
Who did what . . . or not?
A manager leaves
Pitchers eat chicken drink beer
Ownership denies
What to remember?
Two championships . . . or collapse?
Or “What’s next at bat”?
They were losing so nobody spoke
No schmoozing, no boasting, no joke
.   From the bench not a mention
.   Just a clenching from tension
No boos heard in Boston, just “Choke!”
The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Inexplicable meltdown
In Boston leaves are falling
No Autumn splendor
Instead play-off hopes
Free-falling without a net
And time running out