Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Sweet “like acid rain”
Lou erupts no more. Old Guard
Retreats from dugout.
Bobby “WTF?”
Cox pissing and moaning fades
Into Georgia dusk.
The Saga of Joe Torre:
Sucked in St. Lou and
Shea. Then, in fall, to the Bronx,
And now he’s a champ??
Counting: 15 out of 16 years past
to Yankee playoff possibility:
Pirates? Padres? The Indians, e.g.?
(the list of small- & medium-market
teams is as long as owners’ ledgers)
a dis-service to their fans:
So don’t argue:
That your team owners may be committed
to money to profit not to bases counted
or games won: to profit sharing:
& so much for quality & parity
Some teams are designed to contend
others merely to make money
by David Bellel
All my balls are packed I’m ready to go
I’m standin’ here outside the clubhouse door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But my ERA is breakin’ far above what’s norm
The fans are hating’, they’ve caused a storm
Already I’m so lonesome I could die
So forgive me and pity me
Why oh why did you trade for me?
Forget me and this time really let me go…
‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
I hope I won’t be back again
Oh babe, I can’t wait to go
by David Bellel
Curtis Granderson joins the chorus:
I used to whiff a slew
Whenever lefties threw
Yank hearts were not carefree and gay
How could I know I’d find you
Somewhere along k-long’s way
The pitchers I used to know
Would always smile “Hello”
No sure out like my out, they’d say
Then love re-gripped my fingers
Somewhere along k-long’s way
I should forget
But with the nightmares of hit-less nights I see scary things
You’re gone and yet
There’s still a feeling deep inside
That you will always be part of me
So now I look for you
Along Grand Concourse Avenue
And If I stumble, I pray
That I’ll never lose you
Somewhere along k-long’s way
The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Yankee nine that night:
The score stood two to one, and with no rallies left in sight.
When Colin Curtis lined to first, out-foxed by pitcher Shields,
A sickly silence vexed the Bomber fans o’er Tampa’s fields.
The New York bats had wilted in a deep despair. The race
Had found them in a losing funk, a-mired in second place.
They thought, if only Jeter could unto the plate bestride,
They’d put up even money he could take one in the side.
Then from 5,000 Tampa throats there rose a lusty foam;
It rumbled ‘cross the plastic turf, it nearly popped the dome;
It rocked the mighty harbor ships returning from the sea,
With their bows a-colored rusty with dispersant from BP.
There was ease in Jeter’s manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Jeter’s bearing and a smile on Jeter’s face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly made a scene,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt he hoped to work a bean.
Ten thousand eyes were on him, as the scoreboard bellowed loud;
Five thousand tongues applauded; (down in Tampa, that’s a crowd.)
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
It seemed the Yankee captain might just take one in the lip.
And then the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Jeter stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped-
“IT HIT ME, OWWWW!” cried Jeter. “TAKE FIRST!” the umpire said.
Now from the former Devil Rays, there rose a mighty roar,
Like the warble from John Sterling aft a walk-off Yankee score.
“Kill him! Kill the umpire!” boomed Joe Maddon from his stand;
And the umpire said, “Yer out a’ here!” while Jeter rubbed his hand.
With a smile of Christian charity great Jeter’s visage shone;
He jogged to first a-smiling; he bade the game go on;
He rubbed his wrist and watched the scoreboard replay through his hat
Which proved the ball had merely struck the handle of his bat.
Oh, somewhere in this fevered land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere kids still dream;
But they’re still pissed off in Tampa: Jeter faked one for the team.
Hart Seely is the major domo of the Yankees blog, It is High, It is Far, It is….Caught.