Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
By Stuart Shea
RAYS
Last year’s fish is cooked.
Singing songs of spring, the team
Trawls for the title.
RED SOX
Dust is in the air.
Dustin is in the infield.
Just get me a cloth.
YANKEES
$300 trillion
And they say they can’t afford
A spare infielder?
BLUE JAYS
Rock and hard place—both
Tough to climb when you work with
Canada dollars.
ORIOLES
When does that new show,
“Waiting for Weiters” come on?
Not quickly enough.
Posted 3/30/09.
by Hart Seely
Hey, you! Abreu!
Catch that ball.
Have you ever in your life
Gone near a wall?
Yeah, you! Abreu!
With too many pop flies.
Hitting third for the Yanks,
With far too few RBIs.
Hey you! Abreu!
Spring, summer, fall.
Sorry, dude; we liked you,
We’ve just hit the wall.
Hart Seely is the author of the hilarious Mother Goose Goes to Washington, as well as Oh Holy Cow: The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto, newly released in a 15th-anniversary edition. He often hangs around the Yankee website, It is High, It is Far, It is….caught, offering tasteful and constructive comments to management and players alike.
Posted 10/12/08
by Sid Yiddish
In the city of cities
Of old New York,
Where Manhattan is an island
And Jews in Brooklyn don’t eat pork,
Where they search you on the subway at the drop of a hat and the kings of the sewers are giant super rats, they are shutting down Yankees & Shea Stadiums,
Just like that, without even asking if the fans truly care, and most likely they do, in a two-team baseball town.
Where the dust never shakes too hard upon Ground Zero, whose souls lie beneath, are now called heroes; where greed and lust encrust Wall Street and where a two-team baseball town swings to its own beat.
You’d think the club owners would leave well enough alone and just refurbish and not rebuild The House That Ruth Built from new bare bones, but sadly, Shea is closing too and where on earth will the feral cats that have lived within the bowels of that park for years, where will they run to after that last stadium light goes dark?
Nine lives don’t cut it even when a two-team baseball town probably will gut it, just like they did to CBGB, too.
Is it any wonder why I’m slowly losing interest in baseball?
For more on Sid Yiddish’s poetry, music and performances, check out his My Space page.
Posted 10/2/08
By Stuart Shea
No Yankees! No Mets!
Send the networks your regrets!
There’ll be no ratings spike this time
From East Coast fans who fuss and whine.
Well, other teams play baseball, too.
The Angels, Dodgers, Cubs, and Crew.
The Phils and Red Sox made the dance
And Tampa’s got their first big chance.
Despite their highly-sal’ried men,
The Mets and Yankees choked again.
Now New York screams and moans and wails,
“Come fix us! We’re too big to fail!”
We’re waiting for some congressman
To moot a bill for Apple fans,
New fed’ral funds will soon begin
To cinch that New York always wins.
Posted 9/30/08.
by Hart Seely
First base Wilson Betemit
Never ever-ever gonna get a hit.
Pitcher never even have to sweat a bit.
Not with Wilson Betemit.
Second base Wilson Betemit.
Squats like old man take a shit.
Swings like girl with a fake-a-tit.
No good Wilson Betemit.
Shortstop Wilson Betemit.
Called strike three he throw a fit.
On the bench he should-a-sit.
Be gone Wilson Betemit.
Third base Wilson Betemit.
Plays like do not give a whit.
Someday soon he ought-a-quit.
Sick of Wilson Betemit.
Hart Seely is the author of the hilarious Mother Goose Goes to Washington, as well as Oh Holy Cow: The Selected Verse of Phil Rizzuto, newly released in a 15th-anniversary edition. He often hangs around the Yankee website, It is High, It is Far, It is….caught, offering tasteful and constructive comments to management and players alike.
Posted 9/29/08