When your son asks you advice on mascara,
When your head’s a-flame and your mouth’s a Sahara,
When that small, still voice inside prattles like Berra–
I’ve got two words:
Mariano Rivera.
When you’re uprooted and force-marched to some terra
Incognita, a dark, doomed hell where a perky Sarah
Palin is president and not just a chimera–
I’ve got two words:
Mariano Rivera.
When you yearn for escape and consider hara-
Kiri–Breathe deep, relax, don a fresh guayabera,
And watch the greatest hero since Before the Common Era–
He’ll bless you and keep you:
Mariano Rivera.
(The lefthanders playing in the World Series this year are:pitchers Phil Coke, Damaso Marte, Andy Pettitte, CC Sabbathia, Antonio Bastardo, Scott Eyre, Cole Hamels, A.J. Happ, and Cliff Lee; hitters Robinson Cano, Johnny Damon, Brett Gardner, Eric Hinske, Hideki Matsui, Paul Bako, Greg Dobbs; Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Raul Ibanez, Matt Stairs; plus switch hitters Melky Cabrera, Nick Swisher, Mark Teixeira, Jorge Posada, Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino.Twenty-six men. Over half of the two combined rosters.Juuust a bit outside the “normal” distribution of lefties among the general public.)
When the Twins face the Yankees,
Mere mortals we don’t just see:
Gods as great as those of Greeks
Stand upon tall mountain peaks.
A-Rod, king of playoff clutch,
Jeter, dare we stray too much?
Mark T., we should four-ball pass,
Jorge? He isn’t out of gas.
Then the bullpen, dare we see?
Lights out when we think of thee!
Mariano, four outs, one two three!
(Four, with a single scattered in betwee’)
Gardenhire says, “We don’t play with our wallets,”
But 0-10 don’t sit well on our palates.
Sobbing into our homer hankies,
We bow to and worship the dreaded Yankees.
