The Return of the Rocket

by Stu Shea

So Roger’s coming back at last.

Be still my heart that beats so fast!

Forgive me if I seem to joke

At Clemens’ latest blow of smoke.

 

The baseball world stands, mouth agape

As Rocket Man adjusts his cape.

Forgive me if this time I sit

And disregard this silly shit.

 

It’s not as if he’ll join my team,

So why should I, like others, scream,

“Roger’s back! Oh, praise the Lord!”

If my team his paycheck can’t afford?

 

“He wants a ring! He loves the game!”

The song remains fore’er the same.

“It’s not the money, not the perks,

It’s ’cause he loves his baseball, jerks!”

 

So Big George forks up mega-mills

For 15 visits to the hill.

(He doesn’t have to hang around

Those days when he’s not on the mound.)

 

His “veteran leadership” and arm

Calm Torre’s typical alarm.

But is it right to pay and pay

A guy who plays the game this way?

 

No matter what his season holds,

I’m waiting til next year unfolds,

And he retires, the spoiled dunce,

And keeps a promise just this once.

The Silver Lining, Or At Least The Yankees Lost

My wife has up and left me,

Once the object of her lust.

Now she’s hitting the clubs with a biker named Dubs,

–But at least the Yankees lost.

An audit’s hit my company.

My future’s bitten the dust.

You can forward my mail to a federal jail.

–But at least the Yankees lost.

We’re spreading our democracy,

Whatever may be the cost,

Or whether the others are given their druthers.

–But at least the Yankees lost.

Atmosphere’s been heating up,

Melting the permafrost.

The polar bears lately can’t count on their safety.

–But at least the Yankees lost.

Famine, wars, disease and hate–

Our poor world is tempest-toss’d.

I cannot tell you why we must suffer and die.

–But at least the Yankees lost.

Trekking to a mountain wise man,

I registered my disgust.

“Dear pilgrim,” said he, “what will be will be

–But at least the Yankees lost!!”