Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
What th’ — BOSTON won the East?
Soaring up to best from least?
The experts’ toe tags read “Deceased”
But New York’s competitiveness ceased,
Baltimore’s upward path was greased.
Bet big on the Jays? You’re fleeced.
Of seafood the Carmines made a feast,
Muzzling that Tampa beast.
My faith is shaken — oh, call a priest!
I can’t believe they won the East!
Bartolo Colon,
Big and round,
Is on the mound.
Francisco Cervelli,
A-Rod’s teammate,
Is behind the plate.
Jesus Montero
Will suit up at first,
Though his bat is the worst.
Jhonny Peralta
Has a bat to be reckoned,
And we’ll move him to second.
To play at short,
The Padres’ rara,
Everth Cabrera.
At third base, of course,
With broken-down bod,
A-Rod.
Fernando Martinez
Is playing left field,
With a .240 yield.
Melky Cabrera
Will hold down center–
He’s just a renter.
Nelson Cruz
Is out there in right…
At least for tonight.
AL East
Boston
A nation believes
That their guys can win it all
History says no
Tampa
Fighting a drab park
Evan isn’t an All-Star?
Our starters will shine
Baltimore
Is Davis for real?
His weight room feats are unreal
The bullpen will tell
New York
An EMT’s dream
But Girardi knows winning
How is Cano’s knee?
Toronto
Can we go from first
To last in the same season?
The rest must collapse
AL West
Oakland
Cespedes homers
Billy Beane is a genius
Damn! Who ARE these guys?
Texas
So very close twice
Making believers of fans
If only Nolan could pitch
Los Angeles (AoA)
Tons of star power
Swept at home by the Astros
What is going on?
Seattle
In obscurity
They perform for loyal fans
Wait! Ichiro’s where?
Houston
Switching leagues might help
Two thousand and five was great
But so long ago
AL Central
Detroit
Pitching’s no problem
The best hitter in baseball
These cats have a bite!
Cleveland
Once given for dead
With lectures from Chris Perez
Francona’s now boss
Kansas City
AL’s small market
Yet they have players to watch
Brett’s in the dugout
Minnesota
Trying to build stars
Is hard when your DH is Plouffe
Mauer can still hit
Chicago
South Siders are glum
Sale should have been MVP
Git up! Git up! Stretch!
D. Bruce Brown has posted daily trivia questions for Horsehide Trivia since 1997. He is also the president of the Bob Davids chapter of SABR.
We live in the era
Of Mariano Rivera,
Which will serve to measure historic flow:
Dates will henceforth be noted either BMo or AMo (Before or After Mo).
Edwin Encarnacion
Handles his first base stacion
With skill and bravado
That is the toast of Canado.
Hernandez (Felix)
Somewhere in his DNA’s double helix
Has a velocity gene,
Thus his fastball is never seen.
Hiroshi Iwakuma,
According to ruma,
Pitches well in the state of Washington,
But I’m in bed before their games are done.
http://youtu.be/A-F8oKUKbZw
If you hate inane postgame banter
–canned, obsequious, and jock-y–
Then you need to tip your hat ter
The Jays’ Munenori Kawasaki.
With glee he mangles all the blather
–“We came to play,” “Let’s have a look”–
In an accent thick as lather
From his handy battered phrase book.
The talking heads’ condescension
Is clear in their braying bonhomie,
But Mune, in whatever declension,
Will not be deterred by the phonies.
Add to this his pregame stretches
And hapless epileptic boogaloos,
You’ll see fun is back in baseball, betches.
Will someone tell Selig the news?