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Blue Jays Way

Jose Reyes breaks his foot
Itzuris fielding with his boot
As Melk and Colby fan the breeze
Our hitters bats are made of cheese

Leafs, don’t be gone, how can the Leafs now be gone?
Leafs, don’t be gone, or make us watch the Jays.

Dickey’s screwball’s hard to hit
A strange rotation’s built on it
Aside from Janssen they all suck
How’s Buerhle worth 12 million bucks?

Leafs, don’t be gone, how can the Leafs now be gone?
Leafs, don’t be gone, or make us watch the Jays.

Now Rogers Centre’s full of jeers
From raucous Gordies sloshing beer
This isn’t how they’re meant to play
But fifth place is where they’ll stay.

Leafs, don’t be gone, how can the Leafs now be gone?
Leafs, don’t be gone, or make us watch the Jays.

Leafs, don’t be gone, how can the Leafs now be gone?
Leafs, don’t be gone

Leafs, don’t be gone, how can the Leafs now be gone?
Leafs, don’t be gone

Leafs, don’t be gone, how can the Leafs now be gone?
Leafs, don’t be gone

Don’t be gone
Don’t be gone
Don’t be gone
Don’t be gone

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The Eve of Destruction, Yankee-Style

by Hart Seely

The AL East, it is exploding,
Tampa flarin’, Toronto loadin.’
Your stopper is so old, his slider’s floatin’
You don’t believe in waste, yet Vernon Wells you’re totin,’
And even the Captain’s ankle still aint stopped bloatin’…

But you tell me…
Over and over and over again, my friend
We’re not totally whacked…
By A-Rod’s pact…
Of Destruction.

Don’t you understand what I’m tryin’ to say?
Can’t you see the lineup starring Lyle Overbay?
If Robbie tweaks a hammy, there’ll be no one to play,
We’ll have run out of tricks, we’ll be using Jason Nix
Take a look around ya, pal!
It’s bound to scare ya, Hal!

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
We’re not in the grip…
Of A-Rod’s hip
Reconstruction.

Yeah, my blood’s so mad feels like coagulatin’
I’m sitting here, still Michael Pineda-waitin,’
I’m lookin’ at this team, I see no domination.
Damn Youkilis at third, there is no explanation!
And David Phelps alone can’t save our rotation
When even the Scranton roster is disintegratin’
This whole Cashman death wish thing is just too frustratin!’

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
We’re not under the wheel
Of A-Rod’s deal…
Of de-struk-shuuuuuuun.

 

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2013 AL East Prediction Haiku

By Stuart Shea

BALTIMORE
The Orioles soared…
Does anyone believe they
Can fly high again?

BOSTON
With no Valentine,
Can the Olde Towne Team win back
Bleeding Boston hearts?

NEW YORK
Old Yankee soldiers
May not die, but do tend to
End up disabled

TAMPA BAY
Rays fans hold out hope
That good pitching can make up
For that weird infield

TORONTO
When blue jays make noise
It signals that something is
Wrong in the forest

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Late Season Funk in the AL East

by Stephen Jones

Everybody’s on the skids
Yankees, maybe Baltimore too
Throw in hot Tampa as well
And one wonders about Toronto

“Skidding” being short rides
in September – and who
comes out on top, well
a skid is a slide through
September, anybody’s guess

Players missed when it counts
wild pitches now a measure,
late-season swoons and rallies
and who plays in October

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How Can We Miss Him If He Won’t Go Away?

By Stuart Shea

Old Roger’s back on the hill,
Tryin’ to prove somethin’ to someone,
Mowin’ down hitters half his age,
Givin’ the AARP quite a thrill.

Old Roger’s campaign’s not done,
He’ll keep tryin’ to clear his name,
Hoping his Hall of Fame ticket is punched,
As he rides off into the sun.

I wonder if Roger is scared
Of knowing how little it means.
He’s no more than a coddled cheat,
And it’s been a long time since we cared.