Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
In the beginning . . . of this baseball history,
Yankee Ivan Nova–he was not so super–
Got burned by Houston’s big bang theory.
Others followed–they couldn’t stop it either.
The Astros’ rain of runs, a meteor shower
Of them, had done in the old Pinstripers.
Sat in Wrigley with Great Uncle Art,
Local White Sox fan from the team’s start.
Asked ’bout his Sox team Black,
He looked 50 years back,
I could feel dark angst still breaks his heart.
Allegations my childhood team raided
By hacking; legacy degraded.
Feel like fan of Black Sox,
Or Bill Belichick’s jocks.
Perhaps I’m just too f*cking jaded.
I don’t think it mere disillusion
Created by Cardinals’ collusion.
In game’s hacking scandal
The league might mishandle,
But fact of FBI’s inclusion.
Woe be to the nation’s fourth largest town
Houstonians always wore frown
Same legacy to St Louis’ Browns
Took Lord Baltimore’s town to gain a crown
1870 started the Braves in Beantown
Save for a ’14 miracle, they always went down
Never a final game winner strode the mound
Took til Atlanta for a winner to be found
The Tigers can hit
And everyone knows it,
Yet it don’t mean a thing
When the bullpen can’t close it.
Detroiters may reign
As kings of the Central,
But they’ll never go farther
When the bullpen is mental.
Valverde chugged water,
Swirled and spit,
And then he’d cough up
The game-winning hit.
Benoit filled in nicely,
But then he got sloppy,
Serving a granny
To the mighty Big Papi.
“We need a sure thing;
Get Nathan, doggone it.”
But his heater ain’t working;
He’s got nothing on it.
Dombrowski’s a genius;
Stole J.D. from the ’Stros,
But because of their bullpen,
They got swept by the O’s.
I’d deal to the Devil
Miguel Cabrera,
If only he’d trade me
Mariano Rivera.
Baseball’s first-place race
“Houston . . . we have no problem”
Astros flying high