Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Old Roger’s back on the hill,
Tryin’ to prove somethin’ to someone,
Mowin’ down hitters half his age,
Givin’ the AARP quite a thrill.
Old Roger’s campaign’s not done,
He’ll keep tryin’ to clear his name,
Hoping his Hall of Fame ticket is punched,
As he rides off into the sun.
I wonder if Roger is scared
Of knowing how little it means.
He’s no more than a coddled cheat,
And it’s been a long time since we cared.
So now, my friends, it’s come to this:
To redeem his chances for the Hall,
Ol’ Roger’s gone to deepest Texas,
Donned his jock and grabbed the ball
To show all pipsqueaks with the gall
To hint his chemistry’s amiss
That the wickedest PED of all
Is simply Lone Star, vinegar and piss.
Like a plummeting piece of space junk
The ‘Stros have flamed out like a punk.
The past six weeks they have stunk
Worse than a flatulent skunk.
When they switch to the AL next year,
Houston will have still more to fear.
They’d best get their rear ends in gear
Before AL pitchers pin back their ears.
On a witness a trial may hinge
When a twit did supply the syringe
In his ass was he juiced,
Giving fastballs a boost?
They acquitted, but my, did they cringe.
5-year trial over
Roger Clemens now acquitted
Such waste of dollars
Public reaction?
Like his contriteness mixed
But this play is done
Now comes next year’s act
How will Cooperstown decide?
New theater to come