Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Roger Clemens says “I’ll walk”
to clustered eager media
leaving court prosecution balked
warned by a bench previous
Know the rules
don’t fudge the facts
just prove the act
(& steroids run to trivia
rupturing historia)
Now $10 Million of trial prep
taxpayer dollars up in smoke
Clemens amid hollers walks
backdoor to Cooperstown
Time to make amends
(I wish would’ve been said)
By Roger Clemens
(But I cannot judge)
There’s tangled arrogance
Supposed abuse & media rush
Posturing on the mound a stance
In court too to hush
By filed papers
By disclaimers
That a person is naive
Yet aware & conflictive
I thought this bare-knuckle
Bare-faced debacle
Would’ve been erased
By an all-forgiving fan base
But this coming legal sieve
Only wishes/draws attention
To media-flushed speculation
A barrel of brine to leave
Paul
Hit a ball
Out for his fifth straight day. No Sox
Bat has got six straight days of park-vacating knocks.
Mitch
Also hit a ball out, which
Put things such that his squad won.
No outs–not a pitch (bar 10 and a half prior innings’ worth)–prior to winning run.
Zack
Didn’t lack
For Ks,
Notching 10 against Rays.
Ryan Howard
Is not a coward.
His hit wound up a big inning
So his squad wound up winning.
Brian
Had to start pitching, as Placido and Ryan
Both got hit by a pitch
On back-to-back plays, that inning. At that point, you must switch.
Carl Pavano
Had to go mano-a-mano
With his opposing moundsman. Carl didn’t notch a hit
But as his squad had 8 in as many at-bats, was cool with it.
Justin Smoak
Was part of a ninth-inning croak.
His squad was up by four
But couldn’t shut Washington’s door.
Ember Nickel blogs at Lipogram! Scorecard!
CHICAGO CUBS
Oh, Michael Quade—
Lead us up Mt. Zambrano
But slowly, slowly.
CINCINNATI REDS
Aroldis Chapman
Fast as a spring tornado
Wilder than berries.
HOUSTON ASTROS
Blooms on orange tree:
Figueroa? Barmes? Hall?
’nother sour batch.
MILWAUKEE BREWERS
Are you ribbing me?
Zack out for all of April?
I hate basketball.
PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Youth must have its day.
Better that green kids err than
Jeromy Burnitz.
ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Albert? No Albert?
Rumors expand and contract
About new contracts.
Been an Astro for so long,
Got the gong,
Here’s your song:
Bye, bye, Berkman.
Master of the hard line drive,
You’re 35?
What’s that jive?
Bye, bye, Berkman.
When Ed Wade shipped your contract to the Yankees last July,
You didn’t know it wasn’t “come on back,” but just “goodbye.”
The hourglass is losing sand.
Will you land
In Japan?
Bye, bye, Berkman.