Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
On the ’66 Dodgers
I was the youngster on a staff of mostly veterans,
and I learned all I could from them
I couldn’t learn to throw a fastball or curve
like Koufax, that’s something that can’t be taught
But there were a couple of others
I could and did learn some tricks from
(wink wink)
I won’t rat them out even posthumously;
they know who they are,
and they have my eternal gratitude
Hey Astros, you no-account cheaters
At batters don’t throw curves and heaters
A brawl lets disease in
Could stall the new season
Disaster on COVID now teeters.
Little boy settles in over the plate,
Crosses himself, crouches and waits,
Hush hush, stay quiet this time!
Jose Altuve is getting his sign.
God bless my Astros, all are great mates
To tell me what to expect at the plate.
God bless Coach Cora, and Carlos Beltran,
And God bless Gatorade for supplying the can.
Tapping the bat on the side of his cleats,
Adjusting his cup, his collar, his teats,
Hush hush, don’t say a word!
Jose Altuve’s expecting a curve.
It’s such wonderful tech that allows us to see
What the next pitch is likely to be.
God bless those geeks, whoever they be,
Of course, most of all, God bless me.
Little boy lines up the ball in his sight,
Little boy swings with all of his might!
To his reps please direct your inquiries–
Jose Altuve helped steal a World Series.
Your “apology” is but it ain’t
If you knew, then you’re far from a saint
Forget stealing, you say,
You’d have won either way
Sorry boys, there’s no shaking the taint.
A.J. Hinch, crossed the line
Luhnow gone, heavy fine
Draft picks lost, rings are not
Owner sad for getting caught
Crane denied part in team’s
Making up the banging scheme
Taubman censured in the text
Cora, Beltran might be next
Posted on Twitter, 1/13/20