Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Shohei Ohtani, a tip of the cap!
You hurl and you slug, a well-rounded chap.
Could it be the truth
That you’re the next Ruth?
If ’tis so, pray it’s minus the clap.
Michael X. Farraro is the author of the football satire, Circus Catch.
As the leaves turn from green to brown
And we rekindle antipathy for Joe Buck
Let’s recall players whose careers are done
And their stories of drive and hope and luck.
Jered Weaver, strikeout ace,
Can now just putter around his place.
Atlanta’s Frenchy, Jeff Francouer
Will now as a TV color man tour.
SF fans can thank Matt Cain
For embiggening the Jints again.
Likewise, Ryan Vogelsong
Can practice bird calls all day long.
Joe Nathan will have to find his thrill
Somewhere other than the bullpen hill.
And Nick Swisher, quintessential bro,
Will just leave a trail of grit where’er he goes.
To these and all other retirees
Thank you for the thrilling years.
Now, with us, relax near the TV,
Watch some playoff ball and enjoy some beers.
O, how I wish Destiny put
As catcher, one day, Barry Foote
While on the mound lands
The hurler Bill Hands
I’d pay an arm and a leg to see that
The bullpen is aptly in place
With perfectly named Elroy Face
As one last zinger
We add Rollie Fingers
With Heinie Manush up to bat
As he comes to the plate, there’s a buzz,
The one man with the name to give pause,
Each syllable clear-
Ly a body part dear:
Here comes man-of-parts Tony Armas!
Did Vida Blue
ever pitch to
Dick Brown?
Did Bill White
ever fight
with Bud Black?
Was Dallas Green
ever mean
to Tyler Houston?
Did Mike Trout
ever dine out
with Tim Salmon?
Did Martinez, Carmelo
ever have Mark Lemongello
for dessert?
Worst game of season
Yankees resume losing ways
It’s called entropy