Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
For Jimmy Piersall (11/14/1929 – 6/4/2017)
Jimmy Piersall today passed away
Childhood hero had own style of play
My first glove bore his name
Tried to play game the same
With his glove, learned to field Jimmy’s way.
Jimmy played with unique sense of pride,
Until by his pride Piersall was fried.
After treated with shocks
Rapped with Harry, White Sox,
Only sane man on air, certified.
If not for Trout
The Angels would be a shame
Wouldn’t win a single game
The bottom would drop out
If not for Trout
If not for Trout
Big A would be humdrum
Fans might even watch the Bums
Talk about a drought
If not for Trout
If not for Trout, Pujols would quit
Scioscia would get the heave
Escobar would be hitting the bricks
They’d be lost if not for Steve
If not for Trout
They would be Triple A
Simmons would beg for a trade
A stinking mess throughout
If not for Trout
Before the Fall gets underway,
Let us doff our caps and say
Goodbye to those who’ll junk their cleats,
Leave the park and walk the streets.
Super-versatile Angel Chone
Will now be the utility man at home.
Grant Balfour, hothead Aussie,
Can only fume when his wife gets bossy.
Phil Humber’s vaunted perfect game
Was his sole stat worth noting (such a shame).
The Prince has trouble with his neck–
He’ll inspire no more fear on-deck.
Tex and A-Rod will leave the Yanks
And all their fans will mumble thanks,
While Raf Soriano has called an end
To tell war stories, a fine fireman.
But let’s not forget the other guys,
Young tyros once, with starry eyes,
Who gave their all but somehow missed
The general manager’s call-up list.
They’re just as key to the game as any
Adam LaRoche or Brad Penny.
Talent, drive and dreams they bid,
Just like us when we were kids.
Salvador Perez–
No matter what anyone says–
Denies ever sharing a tanning booth
With Dr. Ruth.
Jose Altuve
Is fond of the movies,
Especially those that feature
Brain-eating creatures.
Mike Trout
Sulks and pouts.
As the sole Angel, he doesn’t get very far
With his funny imitation of Yunel Escobar.
Ben Zobrist
Has always been so pissed
At being last alphabetically
That he takes his revenge athletically.