Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
HOUSTON
Welcome to the league!
You youngsters enjoy yourselves
As you lose each day
LOS ANGELES
Trout Fishing in spring…
Or Prince Albert in a can?
Is Ryan Mad, son?
OAKLAND
Bartolo Colon
Is still suspended. So…more
food in the clubhouse?
SEATTLE
Raul Ibanez
Played for Seattle during
Bill Clinton’s first term
TEXAS
Replacing Josh H.
With Martin and Gentry? That’s
Carob for dessert
Isn’t it enough that he can hit a ball to hell?
Does he have to take away others’ home run balls as well?
Yes, he plays the outfield and runs like Joe D.–
What bait does one use to land such as he?
To the wall, back he goes, with a twirl
Grabs the ball, strikes a pose, then the hurl
. Though the term’s not “correct”
. I’ll be firm and direct:
I’m appalled Perkins “throws like a girl”
Hilary Barta shares his obsessions of old movies and comics at his daily limerick site, LimerWrecks.
LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM ETC.
Albert doesn’t want
Us to call him “The Man,” so
Let’s call him “The Bank.”
OAKLAND ATHLETICS
Manny is Manny.
Elderly is elderly.
Money is wasted.
SEATTLE MARINERS
The only thing worse
Than hitting Ichiro first
Is hitting him third
TEXAS RANGERS
Media outrage
Over Josh Hamilton’s life?
A pile of cow turds
When Oakland’s Swingin’ A’s were swingin’,
A hard-playing, mustachioed team–
Williams quit after winning two titles.
The skipper never changed or mellowed
In Expos white or Padres yellow.
Old-school grit, speed and defense vital.
Angels in heaven might hear him scream,
“You with the harp! You call that singin’?”