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Lessons from Professor A.J.

by James Finn Garner

Pierzynski’s older, get that straight
A few more grey hairs on the dome
But if no one bothers to cover the plate
That sonofabitch will steal home.

You may have Cespedes at third–
All over the infield he’ll roam–
But if you don’t keep Pierzynski close, my word!
That sonofabitch will steal home.

Humans can map the vastness of space,
Find Higgs-Boson, map the genome,
But if a player can’t cover his base,
Some sonofabitch will steal home.

Too busy to stay after class?
Here’s the lesson to take from this poem:
Stand around gawking with your thumb up your ass
And that sonofabitch will steal home.

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Maybe I Am The Phantom of Baseball

The Found Poetry in the Tweets of Jose Canseco

by Patrick Dubuque

Maybe I am the phantom of baseball

I will do anything for one more at bat
I know I can still hit MLB pitching
I can still hit a golf ball 380 yards
I have the hips of a 20 year old
I can
I have

I have a medical condition:
I love the game so much
Even in exhibition

Invite me for an old timers game
I will play

Anything for a look

Still dreaming of that one last
Trip of imagination
Back to the big leagues

I miss everything where did it go

Patrick Dubuque blogs regularly for Pitchers & Poets, where this first appeared.

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2012 AL West Prediction Haiku

By Stuart Shea

LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM ETC.
Albert doesn’t want
Us to call him “The Man,” so
Let’s call him “The Bank.”

OAKLAND ATHLETICS
Manny is Manny.
Elderly is elderly.
Money is wasted.

SEATTLE MARINERS
The only thing worse
Than hitting Ichiro first
Is hitting him third

TEXAS RANGERS
Media outrage
Over Josh Hamilton’s life?
A pile of cow turds

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Mariners/Athletics in Tokyo

by Stephen Jones

How hollow it seems
that the opening game
of the season was in Japan

The market deemed,
baseball explained,
it’s now international pastime

Yes, “changing times”
& “good for the game”
are the general conclusion

However the explanation
what’s missed is tradition
opening day at home field

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Matty Alou, The Poem

By Hart Seely

Roy White, you did all right.
Jim Ray Hart, you played your part.
Willie Mays, those were the days!
Matty Alou, is it really true?

Duke Sims, you climbed on limbs.
Sparky Lyle, you made us smile.
Horace Clarke, you jumped the shark.
Matty Alou, we must bid adieu?

Harvey Kuenn, you made the scene.
Juan Marichal, you gave ’em hell.
Steve Blass, let’s raise a glass!
Matty Alou, we’ll remember you.

Hart Seely’s new book, The Juju Rules: Or How to Win Ballgames From Your Couch, will be published by Houghton Mifflin in time for Opening Day 2012.  You can pre-order it from Amazon at this link.