by Randy Johnson
I don’t own a gun
but I keep a bag of baseballs
near our bed.
If someone breaks in
they better be wearing a
batting helmet
because
I’m going to be throwing
at their head.
This Year’s Departures
by James Finn Garner
The season is done, the jocks are stored
Only two teams are left on the board
Let’s pause now, while for Friday we wait,
And salute the retirements of a few greats.
Pujols hit his 700th for the Cards
And now will have time to work on his yard.
Bosox and Cubs champ Jon Lester
Now is an official hammock tester.
Music lover Kurt Suzuki
Can learn the banjo or bouzouki
After the majors, Ádrian González played on
But after this year, A-Gon done gone.
Melky Cabrera, the man and the myth,
Will star in community theater: “The Melkman Cometh.”
And if anyone’s looking for J.A. Happ,
He’s out on the patio, taking a nap.
Ralph Terry
by Michael Ceraolo
Going from the Yankees to Kansas City officially
was a trade between two big-league teams,
but everyone knew it was more like
being farmed out, with return certain
if the player developed sufficiently,
which is what happened in my case
After my return I experienced
the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat
before that became a sports catchphrase,
both times in a Game Seven:
giving up the walk-off to Mazeroski,
two years later shutting out the Giants, one-nothing
Later, in retirement,
I qualified for the pro golf tour
I think I’m still to this day
the only former major leaguer to do so
“The Ballad of Rube Waddell”
by Keyes
Don Sutton
by Michael Ceraolo
On the ’66 Dodgers
I was the youngster on a staff of mostly veterans,
and I learned all I could from them
I couldn’t learn to throw a fastball or curve
like Koufax, that’s something that can’t be taught
But there were a couple of others
I could and did learn some tricks from
(wink wink)
I won’t rat them out even posthumously;
they know who they are,
and they have my eternal gratitude