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Sonny Gray

By HoraceClark66

With apologies to the Fab Four…

Sonny Gray is a pitcher you would hear about
It was said that he was very good indeed
But when you see him come and throw this muck
You say WTF?

Sonny Gray is in my ears and my eyes
Dear God, please make it stop!
Sonny Gray is a useless piece of junk
And once again he stunk.

Sonny Gray was quite the pitcher back in Oakland
But he hasn’t got a bit of guts or sand
He’s a useless gland
Ain’t it grand?

Sonny Gray is in my ears and in my eyes
Just like tse-tse flies
Sonny Gay deserves those blue suburban skies
After all our piteous cries
And not more rotten lies…

 

This parody originally appeared on the Yankee blog,  It is High, It is Far, It is . . . caught.

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Lobstahback Limerick

by James Finn Garner

Th’ Red Sox had been ahn a teah
Winnin’ games ovah heah, ovah theah
No team lahk ’em befoah–
Whoa, Katie, bah the doah!
Til a no-no by Oakland’s Manaea.

 

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A Staff for All Seasons

By Jim Siergey

When wintry winds cause batsmen
All to whiff and to wail,
They’re laughed off by a moundsman
Whose name is Rich Gale.

While batters may wish it were dry
And comfortably warm,
The winds won’t bother a Davis
With a first name like Storm.

When the field becomes mired
In a swampy wet bog
And the sky is grayed o’er,
Make the call to Josh Fogg.

If the weather gets so bad
Fans all need to take cover,
You need a staff with Jim Coates
And, of course, Gary Glover.

 

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Fantasy Owner’s Lament

by George Bowering

Pardon me for all the bitching,
But how come I get such lousy pitching?

Every year I become a mourner
For my crappy luck at the hot corner.

My other infielders are doing fine,
If you’re a fan of the Mendoza Line.

I wish I could draft all over again,
Starting with good old Ferris Fain.

 

George Bowering was appointed the first ever Canadian Parliamentary Poet Laureate in 2002. Author of more than 100 books, he is Professor Emeritus at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver, BC.