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All-Star Clerihews #3: Clerihews Redux

Kirby Yates
Would follow a website that rates
The performances of Kate Winslet
Based on her accent.

Ketel Marte
Would eat banana cream parfaits
At every meal, but doesn’t because
His contract has a weight-gain clause.

Steven Kwan
Will drone on and on
About investing in Bitcoin
Because he’s got the acumen of a pork loin.

Trea Turner
Is a slow learner
3 times invested with Steven Kwan!
Man, that money’s gone gone gone…

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Did They Tell Me How to Pitch to Ted Williams?

by Bobby Shantz

Did they tell me how to pitch to Ted Williams?
Sure they did.
It was great advice,
very encouraging.

They said he had no weakness,
won’t swing at a bad ball,
has the best eyes in the business,
and can kill you with one swing.

He won’t hit anything bad,
but don’t give him anything good.

 

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No Pride to Be Had in Dallas

by James Finn Garner

Each June, ball teams celebrate
Their fanbase’s diversity
It’s just marketing, sure,
But also visibility

All teams, that is, save the Rangers
Who’ve never held a Pride night
Dallas likes to keep things orderly,
Straight and oh-so white

I once thought things were big in Texas
That cliche’s an inanity
Big hats, big boots, big tits and hair
But a puny view of humanity.

New York NY, 2019 via MLB.com