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You’re Gonna Miss Alex Rodriguez

by James Finn Garner

As the end of his playing days appears,
I need to ask: Whither A-Rod?
There’ll be no other player left at his tier
On whose neck you can gleefully trod.

No gaffes to rehash, no mistakes to cheer,
No insinuations on his bod,
No schadenfreude thoughts to slur in your beer
That he’s a bum, a starlet, a fraud.

You won’t see Alex this time next year,
And the absence you’ll feel will be odd
Til you choose someone else, with your conscience so clear,
And condemn him like an Old Testament God.

 

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Adjusted Fire Sale

by the Village Elliott

Billy Beane’s yearly trade deadline sale
Causes A’s fans once more to go pale.
Fans know once they adjust,
And new A’s earn their trust,
Players’re traded next year without fail.

 

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Maddon’s Madness

by Hilary Barta

A pitcher’s job is never done.
When out in left they’ve gotta run
And make a catch against the wall.
Don’t tell me baseball ain’t a ball.

And in a pinch they also hit,
And do the perfect squeeze-play bit.
Joe Maddon thinks outside the box,
His tactics hardly orthodox.

 
Cubs’ try-anything manager Joe Maddon has been at it again. On July 31, pitcher Travis Wood hurled the sixth inning in relief, and Maddon kept him in the game as the left fielder, where he made a sensational catch in the seventh, banging against the wall and the ivy in Wrigley Field. In the twelfth, Maddon had pitcher Jon Lester pinch hit, and Lester laid down a perfect squeeze bunt to bring in the winning run.

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All-Star Game Clerihews

Salvador Perez–
No matter what anyone says–
Denies ever sharing a tanning booth
With Dr. Ruth.

Jose Altuve
Is fond of the movies,
Especially those that feature
Brain-eating creatures.

Mike Trout
Sulks and pouts.
As the sole Angel, he doesn’t get very far
With his funny imitation of Yunel Escobar.

Ben Zobrist
Has always been so pissed
At being last alphabetically
That he takes his revenge athletically.