Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
“Come on, Hobbs! You’re up!!”
Pick up a bat, and do it!
The Cubs fans blamed Steve Bartman.
Who’s to say?
Seems like they blew it.
Pierzynski punched Cubs catcher–
Now A.J.’s Saint Louis red;
Oakland has some Athletics,
Coco puts pitchers to bed.
Another earthquake series?
White Sox got Cy Young, and Rookie.
Shave those beards–
You lot not Wookiees
Scherzer, Sanchez, Price and Verlander
An A-Team from Mr. I for all Michiganders
Sanchez, Scherzer, Verlander and Price
Dombrowski bets big with each roll of the dice
Verlander, Price, Scherzer, Sanchez
A squad made in heaven, so everyone says
Price, Sanchez, Verlander and Scherzer
Beef up the starters, the pen can’t get worser
Lester, Samardzija, Gray and Kazmir
Give the green-and-gold faithful reason to cheer
Samardzija, Gray, Kazmir and Lester
The A’s try not to let past losses fester
Kazmir, Lester, Samardzija and Gray
A huge power shift to the east in the Bay
Gray, Kazmir, Lester, Samardzija
Giving the rest of the AL neuralgia
It’s “win and win now”
They’re swinging their willies
And trying to ignore
The Phate of the Phillies.
A Ferrari swing
In a Hummer body
A lumbering frame
On limber ankles
A clean blood test
In a filthy era
The Big Hurt on the field
The big heart in the speech
Paying the price
Of small-market loyalty
But it’s oh so nice
To be Cooperstown royalty
Houston drafted a pitcher named Aiken
Then said he was damaged, though his elbow ain’t achin’.
No one agreed on appropriate bacon,
Makin’ non-achin’ Aiken’s a special deal-breakin’.
This George Springer–
A real humdinger,
From-the-heels swinger,
Highlight bringer,
Bad-pitch stinger,
But for all we know
He’s not much of a singer.