by Stephen Jones
Kuroda doesn’t speak much,
his pitching does. He translates
well enough on the mound.
Right now, if words do sound,
he’s Cy Young material,
not by boost – just plain factual.
Perfection Lost
by Michael X. Ferraro
When Yu’re slinging goose eggs on the board
With yur slider zipping like Zorro’s sword
.     The last thing Yu need
.     Is for Pierzynski to plead
In a way that the ump deems untoward.
The Cream and the Clerihew (Biogenesis Edition)
By James Finn Garner and Stuart Shea
Alex Rodriguez,
A swing and a mezz.
To avoid having his paycheck shorn
Will take more than a magical unicorn.
Bud Selig
Don’t much dig
Guys who drug up to keep their bodies from wearin’
Unless, of course, they’re Henry Aaron.
Nelson Cruz
Is going to lose
If he appeals his case
And people throw his minor league records in his face.
Bud Selig
If he were like “Zelig”
Would appear at different points in time
And let others be punished for his crimes.
Jhonny Peralta
Didn’t say it wasn’t his fault-a.
He’ll take his suspension
To not jeopardize his pension.
Bud Selig
Is a useless relic
From when players did what they were told
And owners hoarded all the gold.
The Biogenesis All-Star Squad
By Stuart Shea
Bartolo Colon,
Big and round,
Is on the mound.
Francisco Cervelli,
A-Rod’s teammate,
Is behind the plate.
Jesus Montero
Will suit up at first,
Though his bat is the worst.
Jhonny Peralta
Has a bat to be reckoned,
And we’ll move him to second.
To play at short,
The Padres’ rara,
Everth Cabrera.
At third base, of course,
With broken-down bod,
A-Rod.
Fernando Martinez
Is playing left field,
With a .240 yield.
Melky Cabrera
Will hold down center–
He’s just a renter.
Nelson Cruz
Is out there in right…
At least for tonight.
Halfway-Point Haiku
by D. Bruce Brown
AL East
Boston
A nation believes
That their guys can win it all
History says no
Tampa
Fighting a drab park
Evan isn’t an All-Star?
Our starters will shine
Baltimore
Is Davis for real?
His weight room feats are unreal
The bullpen will tell
New York
An EMT’s dream
But Girardi knows winning
How is Cano’s knee?
Toronto
Can we go from first
To last in the same season?
The rest must collapse
AL West
Oakland
Cespedes homers
Billy Beane is a genius
Damn! Who ARE these guys?
Texas
So very close twice
Making believers of fans
If only Nolan could pitch
Los Angeles (AoA)
Tons of star power
Swept at home by the Astros
What is going on?
Seattle
In obscurity
They perform for loyal fans
Wait! Ichiro’s where?
Houston
Switching leagues might help
Two thousand and five was great
But so long ago
AL Central
Detroit
Pitching’s no problem
The best hitter in baseball
These cats have a bite!
Cleveland
Once given for dead
With lectures from Chris Perez
Francona’s now boss
Kansas City
AL’s small market
Yet they have players to watch
Brett’s in the dugout
Minnesota
Trying to build stars
Is hard when your DH is Plouffe
Mauer can still hit
Chicago
South Siders are glum
Sale should have been MVP
Git up! Git up! Stretch!
D. Bruce Brown has posted daily trivia questions for Horsehide Trivia since 1997. He is also the president of the Bob Davids chapter of SABR.