Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM ETC.
Albert doesn’t want
Us to call him “The Man,” so
Let’s call him “The Bank.”
OAKLAND ATHLETICS
Manny is Manny.
Elderly is elderly.
Money is wasted.
SEATTLE MARINERS
The only thing worse
Than hitting Ichiro first
Is hitting him third
TEXAS RANGERS
Media outrage
Over Josh Hamilton’s life?
A pile of cow turds
How hollow it seems
that the opening game
of the season was in Japan
The market deemed,
baseball explained,
it’s now international pastime
Yes, “changing times”
& “good for the game”
are the general conclusion
However the explanation
what’s missed is tradition
opening day at home field
Late autumn brings damp and rain;
The baseball season is over again.
The Redbirds were soaring;
Their fans were roaring.
And Texas went home empty-handed.
The holidays and new year’s come,
Bringing dreams of series rings to everyone.
The hot stoves start burning,
With free agent yearning,
And revulse at the salaries commanded.
Spring brings tulips and green grass.
Training and opening day are here at last.
Northern fans bundle for the game,
Southern weather is a lot more tame.
And all hope to catch a foul single-handed.
The late Samuel Henry Donham (a college and semi-pro first baseman whose career ended in injury, and later a junior high baseball coach) instilled a love of baseball in his family, including his daughter-in-law Becky. She is a longtime Cubs fan whose faith is wavering.
Roy White, you did all right.
Jim Ray Hart, you played your part.
Willie Mays, those were the days!
Matty Alou, is it really true?
Duke Sims, you climbed on limbs.
Sparky Lyle, you made us smile.
Horace Clarke, you jumped the shark.
Matty Alou, we must bid adieu?
Harvey Kuenn, you made the scene.
Juan Marichal, you gave ’em hell.
Steve Blass, let’s raise a glass!
Matty Alou, we’ll remember you.
Hart Seely’s new book, The Juju Rules: Or How to Win Ballgames From Your Couch, will be published by Houghton Mifflin in time for Opening Day 2012. You can pre-order it from Amazon at this link.
I’ll never see his like again,
My favourite hitter, Ferris Fain.
In London, Amsterdam and Paris,
They talk of nothing else but Ferris.
He always managed to amaze,
This handsome batsman of the A’s.
In 2002, George Bowering was appointed the first Parliamentary Poet Laureate of Canada. His newest book, The Diamond Alphabet, is now available from BookThug.