Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Martinez had banged up his frame
And Beltre was dinged, almost lame
.   Two pros that were sore
.   both chose to ignore
the pain for the sake of the game
In Detroit there is reason to shout
Their boys this post season are stout
.   They might not be pretty
.   but these Tigers are gritty
They’re poised and they’re toughin’ it out
The hard-stuff was raining in Texas
Said the Tigers, “Their fastballs just wrecked us.”
.   Both bullpens were great
.   but Feliz got three straight:
His pitching was all about Xs
Cruz Control
The trouble with loading the bases
is for runners you’ve run out of places
.   And go extra innings
.   your woe’s just beginning,
’cause brother, you’ve run out of aces
A walk or a homer — you choose
A ball or a strike — they both lose
.   The bases are loaded,
.   your bullpen’s eroded,
and tall at the plate: Nelson Cruz
All the network media dorks
Sing the praises of New York
They hate visiting places strange
Like Motown and the Texas Range
They’d rather crawl through Gotham sewers
Than watch the Snakes or Rays or Brewers.
They’re happy as a dog with bone
To stay in th’ Eastern Time Zone.
But Yankees pitching ain’t worth a lick.
The Phillies are my pick, in six.
The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Twenty runs the Rangers scored,
Seven of them had three hits.
Every arm the Twins ran out there
Gave Ron Gardenhire the shits.