Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Zach Grienke’s arm is hinky.
Jake Peavy’s feeling skeevy.
Adam Wainwright’s wing ain’t right.
Rich Harden’s asked for pardon.
Brad Lidge is off a smidge.
That goes ditto for Johnny Cueto.
And an inflamed elbow is causing
Pain for Jason Isringhausen.
Thank God for March,
So these great apes
Have one less month
To fall out of shape.
To watch for years a losing team,
He’d root and hope and sometimes scream.
Alvin D and Junior G,
Edgar M and Gaylord P,
Til ’95–a magic dream!
Familiar things he’d shout and cry…
A grand salami, my oh my!
Seattle fans will miss his call,
This one’s sailing toward the wall…
Fly away, Dave. It’s gone. Goodbye.
Been an Astro for so long,
Got the gong,
Here’s your song:
Bye, bye, Berkman.
Master of the hard line drive,
You’re 35?
What’s that jive?
Bye, bye, Berkman.
When Ed Wade shipped your contract to the Yankees last July,
You didn’t know it wasn’t “come on back,” but just “goodbye.”
The hourglass is losing sand.
Will you land
In Japan?
Bye, bye, Berkman.
Orange and Black
They never slack
Did you see Renteria bat?
His back deserves a pat
Lincecum pitched well
It made me feel swell
Posey hit far
He made the World Series look like a war
Wilson finished up the game
In the next one, hope he does the same
Four to one the Rangers lost
I wonder how much the trophy costs
All in all
I love Baseball!
Everybody sing a song
to celebrate the rally thong!
From Castro to the Tenderloin
A winning feeling in the groin!
Spangly rhinestones front and rear
Cup everything Gints fans hold dear.
Red silk fabric will raise no rash
When legging out an outfield smash
And blocks out the winter chill
In the field and on the hill.
From style maven Aubrey Huff
It’s better than going in the buff.
To get em stoked, no better way
In lovely “Babylon by the Bay.”
But in Dallas, brother, have a care.
Only strippers wear ’em there.
They’ll jail your ass, without quarrel,
for corrupting public morals.
Play it safe, don’t be too hasty,
Better pack your rally pasties.